Sorry for the delay today, junk food fans.  This morning, I participated in one of my favorite activities. Every Saturday morning, after an evening out, I always wake up early no matter what time I went to bed or how much I imbibed – the result of an internal clock whipped into shape by my day job.  I lay in bed, sun creeping in through the blinds, AC blowing, buried under the covers, and I flip on Sportscenter.  And then I watch Sportscenter three straight times, unblinking, unmoving, not speaking, for three hours.  I love it – catch up on the week’s sporting news, and if I fall asleep, I know I’ll catch whatever I missed in the next run-thru of the show.

So that’s what I was doing this morning – lazy lazy lazy.  Here’s what I’m buzzing about today, with some short opinions after the review: (1) Women’s World Cup, US vs. Colombia at 12 noon EST. (2) NBA Lockout.   What I’m not buzzing about: (3) NHL Free Agency.

The Money Shot

Cheez-Its are my FAVORITE cracker of all time.  And trust me, there’s a number of contenders.  But Cheez-Its, through and through, are reliable, tasty, and just the right munching size.  And when you really think about it, Cheez-Its are genius.  “Hey, people like to eat cheese…on crackers.  Let’s make CHEESE CRACKERS AND START PRINTING MONEY.”

The White Cheddar variety is probably my favorite, since White Cheddar ANYTHING is probably my favorite.

Bravo, Cheez-Its

100% Real Cheese?  You don’t say, Cheez-Its.  I like how you TRY to sound healthy.  I’m pretty sure you’re still loaded with salt, MSG, and enriched flour, but I appreciate the effort.

Angels sing: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

Open the box, and its a veritable bevy of glowing cheesy flavor crunch prizes.  Because of the size of a Cheez-It – less than an inch on each side, the crackers don’t break easily during transport or settling. Almost every cracker is perfectly intact.  Cheez-Its have found an engineering loophole.

Single shot

The single White Cheddar Cheez-It cracker not only has cheese baked into the cracker itself, but also is powdered ever so gently with White Cheese powder.  Of course, due to the size, this is not the preferred method of mouth delivery…

Multi Shot

…THIS IS.  Seriously, who eats Cheez-Its one by one?  There’s hundreds in the box, we’ll be here forever!  Nope – the only proper way to eat Cheez-Its are at least four at a time, crunching deeply.  Nope, I don’t have low self-esteem.

Like its straight out of the oven

Perfectly baked, a hint of burn color, sprinkled all over with salt and cheesy sprinklings.  Each side is pinched off like a puff pastry.  It’s like a mini square empanada filled with freedom and happiness.

I applaud you, Cheez-Its.  This won’t be our last meeting.

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(1) I love soccer, and the Women’s US soccer team faces off against Colombia at 12 noon EST.  I know people hate on women’s sports, but anytime I see “US vs. random opponent,” I GET STOKED.  It could be chess – I’ll be screaming “TAKE THE PAWN!  TAKE THE EFFING PAWN!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!”

(2) We will have NFL before we have NBA.  The NBA lockout is about to get dirty, friends.  The NBA players: “Fine, lock us out, you’ll lose money nanny nanny boo boo.”  The NBA owners: “We lose money when you’re on the court, donkeys!  Regular season games are a snoozefest!  Javale McGee vs. Trevor Ariza is not a marquee matchup!  Take your three hundred pairs of sneakers and get the hell out of here!”

(3) I enjoy hockey, and have been a Sabres fan for years.  But even I have to admit – I have no idea who most of these jokers are.  I live in DC now, and I only sort of know the Caps’ starters and that’s just because I hear their names constantly.  Arron Asham, Darryl Boyce, Petr Kalus?  Are those NHL players or key grips on the Transformers 3 set?  We’ll never know.

Sincerely, Junk Food Guy