Look, it’s been all over the news recently: criminals using Craigslist to bait unsuspecting “customers” and rob them blind.  Whenever I conduct a Craigslist transaction, it’s never (1) in the middle of the night, (2) by myself, and (3) in the middle of nowhere.  I’m always suggesting the exact opposite.  “Oh hi, you’re calling about the VCR I’m selling?  Yeah, sure, let’s meet.  How’s the floor of the New York Stock Exchange?  I’ll be bringing the cast of Wicked with me.”

More on Craigslist shadiness after the review…

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Today I thought I’d do a little throwback session and cover one of my favorite childhood junk foods: GIRL SCOUT COOKIES.  In particular, SAMOAS.

The Money Shot

Each box of Girl Scout cookies you buy has some cheerful youngster on the box, bordered on the bottom of the cover by real-size representations of the dreamy cookies inside.  The cover of these boxes was always weird to me: when I’m eating these cookies alone at my kitchen table on a Friday night, I don’t want to see these smiling photos.  I like to remove the tray inside, set that in front of me, and put the box on the floor under my chair.  True story.

Girl Scout Legalese

Girl Scout cookies were first made and sold in 1917, and have since become very corporate apparently. “Baked by the authority of Girl Scouts of the USA?”  “Any resale or redistribution is unauthorized?”  Yikes – is there a subpoena inside?

SUGAR!

Samoas are, in case you didn’t know, are vanilla cookies coated in caramel, sprinkled with toasted coconut and laced with chocolate stripes.  And their first and most highly concentrated ingredient is…SUGAR!  Not flour, but sugar.  Number two is VEGETABLE OIL – still not flour.  Ooooo these are healthy.

Front Row

The tray inside a box of Samoas is divided into three rows, each with five cookies.  Er…ignore the fact that there are only six cookies left at the time of this picture.  Cough.

As a side note, the high concentration of oil in these things is really quite disturbing.  Maybe that’s why my mouth feels like it’s been laminated after downing several Samoas.

One Ring to rule them all

Each cookie is a perfect ring of processed flavor, driven by the toasted coconut.  Apparently, these are called Samoas because execs thought, “Well, we’re using a tropical ingredient…coconut.  And islands have coconuts.  And Samoa is an island.  DONE – call the press.  This makes total sense.”

Have I mentioned I love toasted coconut?

...mmmmm....toasted coconut

If you are a lover of coconut, however, Samoas do drive that point home.  Each cookie is covered from top to bottom with toasted coconut and then dripped with chocolate.  The coconut doesn’t fall off the cookie when touched, and the chocolate is semi-sweet. The combination is quite heavenly. Hence, why I ate nine (now ten) of them during the writing of this post.  Someone call an ambulance, please – I need a Lipitor IV.

Gooey cookie goodness

The inside of each cookie reveals that the coconut adheres to the cookie, in part, because of the covering of caramel that surrounds the crunchy parts and that never quite hardens.  Gooey goodness.  Girl Scouts, I salute you.

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Craigslist is not to be trusted.  This was the email response to an inquiry made for an ad that advertised an amazing one-bedroom rental in a superb area here in DC for $500/month:

Hello ,
Thanks for the email. I DR ———– the owner of the house and also it is situated at (4301 Massachusetts Ave NW APT 5010 Washington, DC 20016) and also want you to know that it was due to my transfer that makes me and my wife to leave the house and also want to give it out for rent and looking for a responsible person that can take a very good care of it as we are not after the money for the rent but want it to be clean all the time and the possible tenant will see the house as his or her own. We are going to be gone for 2 years or more.

We have left the Washington, DC and we are currently in West Africa for our missionary call. Before we left the Washington, DC for West Africa , we look for a reputable agent that will take a very good care of the house while we are away but could not found any so we left with the house keys and document when leaving. If you will be the right tenant to our house, we will get the keys and documents of the house  sent to you via courier services as soon as all terms are settled. I will be online through out to get back to you as soon as you are able to get back to me. I would want to know how soon you would want to move in as I will be taking a 1 month upfront payment for the house including all the utilities there. I am asking for  $500 and I believe we should be able to help ourselves. I am accepting $500 because I want you to take a very good care of the house while I am away.

I am looking forward to hear from you ASAP so that i can forward you an application to fill out and discuss on how to get the house for rent over to me so that I can get the keys and papers sent to you via FedEx or ups e.t.c, also are you ready to rent it now or when? Await your reply. I will be willing to send the inside view of the building if you demands for it…The good Lord has been good to me, I am paying him back with my missionary call. I could let you remain in the house till I come back if you are a good tenant..
Thanks God bless you.
You can call me via this # for more details.

Oooooooh….so we’re doing this now?  On Craigslist?  The whole rambling email from Africa bit? Similar to the Nigerian bank scam?  Really?  This is how we’re choosing to live our days?  I see.  I….see.  Right.  Welp, ok then -let’s meet. How’s the floor of the New York Stock Exchange?

Sincerely, Junk Food Guy