On this beautiful Sunday morning, here’s what your Junk Food Guy is thinking about in the world of sports:

(1) Women’s US Team takes on Brazil today in the Women’s World Cup.  After Japan surprisingly took out odds-on-favorite Germany, this US-Brazil match could be a preview of your eventual champion.  ESPN, 11 AM EST.

(2) I have an admission to make.  I am, indeed, a Yankees fan.  Yes I know, readers, that by saying this I risk alienating many of you.  I’ll discuss why I am one sometime in the near future.  But regardless, I am one.

Therefore, I was super cised (yes that’s a word) when Derek Jeter clubbed hit 3000.  Not only was hit 3000 a homerun that helped win the game, but Jeets went 5 for 5.  He becomes the 28th player to do this, the 4th youngest, and the only Yankee to accomplish this feat entirely in pinstripes.

More after the jump; but first, spicy almonds!

The Money Shot

Blue Diamond wowed me with their Salt ‘n Vinegar flavored almonds, so when I saw Jalapeno Smokehouse, I HAD to try them.  I LOVE spicy snacks, I love hot sauce, I love that peppery kick that burns your tongue and makes you cough.  I’m one of those guys who will actually eat pickled jalapenos, so I have no fear of spice.  Therefore I had high expectations for these almonds. Their website says these are “Smokehouse Almonds with a Jalapeno Kick.”  Hmmm so already these are actually NOT jalapeno flavored, just a jalapeno kick?  Why do I feel like I’m already being duped?

So...where's the smokehouse?

Bright red label, covered with pics of peppers…looks reassuring, no?  But the name is a bit misleading. When I read Jalapeno Smokehouse, I envision some dark and smoky room, where jalapenos are being slowly smoked and blistered to achieve maximum spice, and then this wonderfulness is wrapped around each nut – NOT just a jalapeno “kick.”  The title of the snack should clearly indicate the flavor.  When you see Cookies and Cream Ice Cream, you don’t think, “Oh, this is Cookie Ice Cream with a Creamy Kick,” do you?  Am I on an island on this?

Powdery mess

Open the can, and WOW there’s a lot of powder.  Are those dehydrated jalapenos, ground to a dust?  Or is that just…dust?

SO MUCH POWDER

Unlike the Salt ‘n Vinegar Almonds, where the vinegar and salt complemented the oil of the nut perfectly so every salt particle adhered to the almond, here the flavor powder acted the exact opposite – it looked like sand, sucking any and all moisture from these almonds.  And while there is some powder adhering to the almonds, there’s a LOT just hanging out in the can.  What a waste.

Not furry enough

Close up

Because the oil has been absorbed by the powder, there is very little powder sticking to each individual almond.  They sort of look dusted, but I want to see an almond that looks, essentially, FURRY with flavor dust!

Popped some almonds in my mouth, and my suspicions were confirmed – BLAND.  VERY disappointed. These weren’t spicy at all!  Quite frankly, they just tasted like smoked almonds…and at the very end of the chew you get a liiiiiiiiiiittttle bit of kick.  But barely.  Just enough to make one tastebud go, “Wazzat?”

You lied to me, Blue Diamond.  Your Jalapeno Smokehouse is a Lame-apeno LieHouse.  Yep, I’m mature.

Maybe almonds aren’t the best delivery system for true kickin’ spice.  Then why try for it?  <shakes head>

—

For anyone who doesn’t really know baseball, here’s why 3000 is amazing.  A good baseball player in a season of ~650 plate appearances will hit above .300 – meaning they’ll get hits a little bit less than 33% of the time.  In 2005, Jeter did this – he hit 202 hits, batting .309 in 654 plate appearances.  And that’s a REALLY good season.

To get to 3000, he needed to do this for FIFTEEN YEARS, at least.  (Jeter has been playing for sixteen seasons, and in season one, he had 12 hits total).  He’s been playing since age 21, now 37.  He had to keep this ridiculous pace up for fifteen seasons, getting balder every day.

Longevity in sports is of course dictated by the sport, with football players having short shelf-lives, and baseball players having longer ones.  But even in baseball some players don’t get to ten seasons. Not only do you still have to be productive, but a team has to WANT you to still be around after ten years in, and not replace you with younger prospects.   Getting to 3000 is reflective of a truly unique career, navigating not only on-field but off-field adversity.  And that’s why there are only 28 people who’ve done it, out of THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS of baseball players.

See?  THAT’S why Jeter gets to date Minka Kelly.

Sincerely, Junk Food Guy