The Wednesday after the MLB All-Star game is, for those uninitiated, the only day of the year when not one of the four major sports (baseball, hockey, football, basketball) has a game.  Not one.  I like to call this day “The most boring day of the year.”  On ESPN Thursday morning, you’ll find no highlights, no replays, no commentary on statistical bullshit.  I always like to record Sportscenter the Thursday after the most boring day of the year, JUST to see what they come up with.  Of course, for TODAY, there are definitely two topics worth briefly mentioning:

(1) Women’s World Cup game, US vs. France at 11:30EST.  After Sunday’s riveting conclusion, the US needs to take care of business early and often.

(2) Tour de France de injury.  Holy S. – have you SEEN how many bikers have crashed this year?  Cars running people off the road, fans knocking over packs of bikes like dominos —- it’s.  Been.  AWESOME.

The Money Shot

I’ve been eating regular Tostitos with big gobs of salsa for as long as I can remember.  My mother, where I get some of my obsessive personality from, would go on these kicks where she would buy big Costco size tubs of salsa with bags of chips.  And Tostitos has been cranking out solid stone ground white corn chips since 1979.  Whether they be strips, or scoops, or rippled cups, or yellow corn, or flavored with Lime, people have been enjoying Tostitos with dip for a long time – indeed, since they advertise PURPOSELY that they have no added flavoring or preservatives, Tostitos is your perfect dipping chip…

They're friends!

…as advocated by their crazy logo.  Am I the only to just NOW notice that the T’s in the name form two people sharing chips over a bowl of salsa??  Tostitos, you need to give your graphics department a raise, because this is genius!  I feel like I finally was able to see the 3-D hot air balloon in one of those crazy Magic Eye paintings.

(Note: I have been staring at the result of this last link for twenty minutes now, and it’s either a dragon, a heart, or an anchor.  Those things could not be more different.  Boo, Magic Eye.  Boo.)

I like corn

Because Tostitos generally lack any flavoring, the Hint of Jalapeno variety that are new in stores caught my eye immediately.  Now, unlike my review of the Jalapeno Smokehouse Almonds, since these chips purport only to have a HINT of jalapeno, I tempered my expectation.  Still, I was skeptical.

See, the thing is I hate the previously-mentioned Tostitos flavored with a Hint of Lime.  They taste like they have a thin film of lime sugar on them.  Each bite of a Lime Tostitos chip sent a puff of limey sour into my mouth which was really unpleasant.  Please, Tostitos – tell me you haven’t replicated this in your jalapeno effort.

Surprisingly unbroken

To Tostitos’ credit, because they are not loaded with added preservatives to keep the chips flaky, are often crunchy as hell.  As a result, they actually withstand normal bag packaging pretty well.  Here we have big thick chips that are speckled with green.

Green Speckled Monster!

As I took a bite of my first chip, I noted my disappointment: NOT. SPICY. AT. ALL.  Now this is very confusing for me, since the damn chips are called Hint of Jalapeno.  Where’s the HINT!?

Take 2: I tasted chip after chip – FINALLY after munching down my seventh chip in a row, I got a SLIGHT tingle on the edges of my lips and tongue.  Of course, one swallow of saliva and this burn went away. Sigh.

Up close and Jala-personal

A closer look at the chip reveals – well, not much.  Are these green specks supposed to be bits of dried jalapeno?  Are the colored bits of salt…spicy salt?  Or is the whole chip just an elaborate hoax?

Perhaps the chip tastes better when used as Tostitos are traditionally used – with salsa or dip.  But on its own, this chip is a flop.

Sincerely, Junk Food Guy