Junk Food Nation, I’d like to begin the month of August with a discussion about awkwardness and awkward situations.  Today’s scenario: Awkwardness in the grocery store.

Whenever you run into someone you haven’t seen in a while in a grocery store, and are forced to talk: THAT’S super awkward.  Forget the typical stuff like forgetting their names or not remembering where you last saw them.  That song and dance we all go through no matter what the situation.  No, grocery store awkwardness is worse for a few reasons:

1) The entire time you’re making small talk, there’s definitely an eye-ing of what the other has in their cart. “Hmmmm…that’s a sh*t ton of bleach. What, is he cleaning up a crime scene?” “Dude, I know he doesn’t have kids, so what’s with the baby wipes?” “Well, SOMEONE likes beans.”  It’s like, don’t judge me. You’re the one with thirteen cans of salsa in your cart.  Having a fiesta, are we?

More reasons after the jump.  Today’s junk food: Blastin’ Buffalo Wing Pringles Xtreme! XTREEEMMEEE! (Sorry, I just like shouting that.)

The Money Shot

We are all familiar with Pringles – the processed potato chips that come in a can.  Once you pop, you can’t stop!  I’ve been eating Pringles for YEARS.  Something about these tall stacks of chips reminds me of childhood.

In creating Blastin’ Buffalo Wing Pringles Xtreme, Proctor & Gamble assumes we need laser lights and neon to enjoy their chips.  I mean, the label of this can has a LOT going on!  Hadn’t we left the XTREME era back in the early 2000s when McDonalds still Super Sized meals and there was the XFL?  Those two things don’t exist anymore, so why are companies still going down this road?

That's some squirtin' flavor!

This will be my third Buffalo Wing flavored snack I reviewed on this blog, and my requirements have been pretty simple – anything that claims to be Buffalo Wing flavored needs to have the vinegar-y tang, needs a spicy kick of cayenne, and needs to have a good afterburn in the mouth.  If you’re purporting to taste like blue cheese, need to nail that too.  Here, the Pringles apparently have been BLASTED with flavor.  But is it the RIGHT flavor?

Those are some spicy Cayenne peppers

Wing sauce, cayenne peppers, and the promise of a chip speckled with red powder.  So far, I’m imagining that Pringle in this can will taste like a potato chip dipped in Frank’s Red Hot – I put that * on everything.

Only a 3rd level burn

Crujientes de papa, quite literally translates into “crunchies of potatos.”  Awh, that’s cute.  I like that Pringles included a spice-o-meter on the can too – here telling us this junk food gives a level 3 burn.

This scale does make me wonder though – what flavor is level 2 and then 1?  We’ll revisit this.

Speakers?

Pringles has a promotion out right now where buying four cans of Pringles can net you a Pringles can speaker.  The amazing thing about this promotion is that it’s rather old school – fill out a form, and MAIL it with a purchase receipt, and then wait TEN to TWELVE WEEKS for you prize to arrive via mail!!  Twelve weeks???  We live in the information age; if something I ordered EVER took twelve weeks to arrive, I’d flip my S—.  Seriously?  I’ve driven across the country and back before, and THAT didn’t take twelve weeks! Pringles, what the hell.

Oh I'll test 'em

Pringles challenges to “Test Your Taste Buds.” Challenge accepted – let’s pop the top!

Crunchies!

Hmmm, well those are non-descript.  They certainly don’t look like the chip on the can which is speckled with reddish powder.  Let’s go in for a closer look…

Doesn't look that Buffalo Wing-y...hmmm

Standard Pringle shape and texture.  A closer look does reveal that it has a very fine light orange powdering, so the flavor presumably IS there… just not immediately visible.  Skepticism grew in my head. Time to crunch some crunchies…

Light orange-red powder

WOW.  The taste = FANTASTIC. Immediate tang of buffalo sauce, unmistakeable.  Flavor gives way to a distinct cayenne kick, and remains burning on the tongue.  It hit all three notes I wanted clearly and confidently.  Very good tip of the hat to Frank’s Red Hot in this junk food.  Well done, Pringles!  I’m buying these again and again, for sure.

I like spicy food, and these give a satisfying burn, but to me they weren’t “hot” per se.  And if this is level 3, then what possibly could levels 2 and 1 be?  A hot piece of cinnamon candy – is that level 1?  Does Pringles even make a snack that has those other levels of spice?  To be investigated…

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More grocery store awkwardness:

2) You are pretty vulnerable in a grocery store, because its neutral turf, and you normally go when you’re in ratty ass clothes and just need some milk.  You run into your boss wearing cargo shorts and a wife beater, or Juicy Couture sweatpants and a baseball cap – IMMEDIATELY awkward.  Especially if you’re the boss. I don’t need my interns seeing me in a Tapout T-shirt with foil dragons on it anytime soon.

3) There’s always a discussion about what you’re there for.  UM HOW ‘BOUT FOOD, JUST LIKE YOU. “So, what’re you picking up?” What’re you, a cop? You lookin’ for clues to solve this caper?

4) Finally, there’s always the awkward end to the conversation, and the inevitable re-meeting in other aisles.  Awkward conversation reborn: “Oh, looks like we both need eggs, chuckle chuckle.”  Yeah chuckle chuckle STOP FOLLOWING ME.  Now I have to avoid certain rows, pretend like I don’t see you, AND wait until YOU leave the store before I can fill my cart full of Pedialyte and disposable razors.  Thanks for making it awkward!

Of course, if you see me in the grocery store, I’d be happy to chat – just ignore the overflowing Oreo packages.

Sincerely, Junk Food Guy