Junk Food Nation, football is here!  Well, sort of… preseason football is here!  Third stringers versus walk-ons! People fighting for jobs vs. rookie athletes! Injuries galore! Ugh. And we were worried about missing this crap because of the lockout?

For me, the NFL preseason is exciting for the two or three full offensive series that the starters play in, and then I watch something else more exciting – like my ottoman.  Or traffic.  Or the inside of my eyelids.  Still these pre-season games CAN be interesting to see how offseason storylines flesh out during game play. Here are my three favorite offseason storylines that I want to see during the preseason:

1) Chad Ochocinco joins the New England Patriots.  As a Buffalo Bills fan, I have no love for the Patriots, but I always enjoy seeing them take disgruntled vets and restore them to football greatness.  Will that happen with Chad 85, as it did with weirdo Randy Moss?  Or will the artist formerly known as Chad Johnson be too busy riding bulls, playing professional soccer, or acting in another horrible American Pie movie to get his head in the game?

The other two things to watch after the jump.  Today’s junk food: Ruffles Loaded Chili & Cheese!

The Money Shot

Ruffles have been around along time (since 1958!), and we’re all familiar with them – they are Frito-Lay’s signature wavy chip.  They have a tighter ridges in the potato chip surface than traditional wavy Lays, and as a result, as excellent vehicles for flavor powder.  Anyone else remember the RRRRuffles have RRRidges campaign?  Back when commercials weren’t in HD?

Indulgent

Ruffles bags aren’t all that complicated – just red white and blue, and in this case, a picture of potato chips covered in chili and cheese, just as the name indicated. Not a bad ploy – although the consumer knows that there’s not globs of actually chili and cheese inside the bag (hopefully), this image clearly gives the consumer an idea of what this chip SHOULD taste like. We’ll see, however.

The bag doesn’t indicate NEW anywhere, but I’d never seen these before until recently, so I figured I’d give it a go.

Ok, I hear what you're sayin'...

“You know that dream where all your favorite food is piled high and ready to go?”  How ’bout, no. No, Ruffles.  What the hell are you talking about?? I know the writers of this copy wanted to be clever – but its not clever. Not at all, Ruffles. Boo.

Loaded with flavor

Ahhh, the refreshing view of fresh potato chips. As the Ruffles commercials have indicated, Ruffles have ridges and each little curve enhances the flavor by packing more powder in!

Did anyone else, when they were a kid, do as I did and eat these chips ridge by ridge, snapping them off row by row into their mouths?  (I had plenty of spare time on my hands, apparently).

Flavor blasted

These chips are bursting with flavor powder.  Sidenote: I love those potato chips that are folded over.  Like a Möbius strip, I somehow feel like the flavor is boosted and never ending with folded over pieces.

Powder in every crevice

Up close, you can really see that the powder is in every crack and bend.  Bits of red, orange, yellow, and green – not sure what the green represents in chili and cheese, but I’m too tantalized to care.  THIS is what a chip should look like!

Just DOUSED in powder!

This picture further highlights the flavor dusting.  I want my chips to look furry with flavor, damnit!

I took a healthy stack of these chips a crunched them – VERY good flavor.  The flavors you get immediately are cumin, chili powder, and onion – tasty.  Basically tasted and smelled like chili or taco meat that you brown up in a frying pan.  Throw in a peppery taste and a cheesy edge, and you definitely get the sense of chili and cheese topping to fries, chips, whatever.

While some might think the flavor is heavy handed and maybe overly salty, I think it accurately translates the powerful punch chili and cheese have in a dish.  I’ve eaten enough chili and cheese fries to know, I guess.  Even the after taste, a beefy cumin flavor that lingers, reflects what your mouth feels and tastes like after having chili and cheese fries.

Yet, you still are reminded that you’re eating a great chip with that Ruffles crunch. A great product by Frito-Lay in this one.

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2) Albert Haynesworth joins the Patriots. Ok, so I hate giving the Patriots more run, but being in Washington DC and seeing the debacle that was Haynesworth in our nation’s capital, I’m excited to see this idiot implode New England.  Maybe he’ll collapse on the ground and need oxygen after one play.  Maybe he’ll punch another driver on the highway, or molest a waitress at a bar. Maybe he’ll refuse to play in a 3-4 system, and then spend four months bad mouthing the coach while he rolls around in a big pile of stolen money.

Or maybe Belichick will turn him into a Pro Bowler.  Sh*t. Try not to stomp on Chad Ochocino’s head in practice, ok, Al?

3) Kevin Kolb in Arizona…as a starter…FINALLY. With all the hype the Eagles have had this offseason with their free agent adds and trades, people have been forgetting that Kevin Kolb is actually a really good NFL quarterback.  And now he gets his chance, QB-ing a young team, out of the mean streets of Philly to the dry sunny skies of Arizona. Of all the QBs changing teams, Kolb, to me, is the most intriguing one to watch. I’ve always said that one QB can make ALL the difference (suck for Luck!); here we’ll actually get to see if my theory holds true. Will Kolb turn this team that was last in the NFC West into a contender?

We’ll see come Thursday.  The Pats and the Cardinals play in games this Thursday evening. Tune in and enjoy (for at least 30 mins).

Sincerely, Junk Food Guy