Junk Food Nation, I wanted to continue with last week’s discussion of awkward bathroom moments, particularly in away-team bathrooms, aka those not in your own home.

I have a good number of friends and I’m going over to their houses for various reasons – to watch a football game, have dinner, housewarming parties, you name it.  Navigating a friend’s bathroom is sometimes more embarrassing than navigating a public bathroom. Ever clogged a toilet at a friends house?  Mortifying.  You might as well just walk out of the bathroom and say, “yeah…I’ll just show my way out.”

(Note: if your guest bathroom doesn’t have a fan, matches, aerosol spray, a plunger or even just a window, you’re just INVITING disaster. DISASTER! Inviting it.)

My problem often comes, no surprise, when I’m washing my hands.  You wash with whatever dainty soaps or herbal crap your host has, and then you turn to see where to dry. And you’re anything like me, the horror begins. Which towel will it be?

1) Is it the very nicely stacked monogrammed towel set on the rung right next to the sink? I mean, it’s right there…but there’s a geometric stack of like seven washcloths here, and none of them seem like others have been using them to dry their hands. Moreover, these decorative towels seem to be made of felt, and are about as absorbent as aluminum foil.

More after the jump.  Today’s junk food I literally grabbed off the shelf and exclaimed, “Holy Sh*t” — Limited Edition Creamsicle Oreos!

These were first mentioned to me a while back by my friend Jen D. back at the end of July, but I hadn’t seen them anywhere. Sure enough, I was walking through my neighborhood Walmart today, and THERE THEY WERE!  Creamsicle Oreos, are you kidding me??

Everyone knows what Creamsicles are, right? The orange cream flavored popsicles whose citrus-y creamy taste I grew up with? I was shocked to find these paired with Oreos.  I know that I gushed about the Berry Burst Ice Cream Oreos, but that’s because I knew that strawberry creme with the natural Oreo cookie wafer would taste amazing.  I’ve never really been a fan of the vanilla cookie, so I’m not sure how these’ll be.

Like a Creamsicle, Oreo showcases that connection by making its frosting a blend of the orange and white color we are familiar with. Unlike the Berry Oreos, these don’t seem to have any textured surface – its smooth like the popsicle.

If you got to Oreo.com/NewFlavor, it just takes you to the default Oreo page.  WTF Nabisco?  TEASE! I wanted to put my votes in for Dulce de Leche, Pumpkin Spice, and Cran-Beef flavors.

On the back of the package, they pay homage to my favorite Oreos, previously mentioned.

Peeling back the wrapper, you can see three beautiful rows of cookies.  I gotta give it to Nabisco, not a broken cookie in the joint.  This creme, however, didn’t look so appealing.  I don’t know what I expected, since the packaging showed me what the cookies would look like, but my heart didn’t sing when I saw these.

Each cookie, unlike the packaging picture, is basically comprised of two layers of creme – one bright orange and one regular.  Sandwiched together and pressed, the effect was aesthetically pleasing. I went to twist the cookie to see if I could get the two layers to separate…

BOOOOO. Total fail. The creme came apart strangely, and subsequent twists of OTHER cookies resulted in the same messy image you see above.  The frosting never came apart just right.  VEry frustrating.

I decided to taste the orange-half of the creme by itself…orange-y, and with a hint of a Creamsicle, but it didn’t blow me a away. I believed that this creme, like the Berry creme, needed to be VERY flavorful not to get lost in the cookie itself.  It needed to complement the cookie, but needed to be present enough TO complement the cookie.  The orange creme, by itself, was almost non-flavorful.  This didn’t bode well.

Yep.  Crunch crunch crunch, bleh. First, the vanilla Oreo – not a fan.  Sure it’s a decent crunchy perfectly fine cookie, but it’s not an Oreo.  Second, the white creme had a slightly different consistency than normal Oreo white creme – it was… gooier, if that makes sense.  It didn’t melt in my mouth, it kind of just stuck to the cookie and my teeth with a strange filminess. Third, only at the VERY END of chewing did I get a slight Creamsicle taste.  Certainly not enough, IMO, to call these Creamsicle Oreos.

I’d call them – Oreos with an Orange Twist.  I won’t be buying these again.  Nabisco, what have you done???

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Continuing above…

2) Is it the very large fluffy towel hanging off the shower door? I’m pretty sure that’s what they use to dry themselves, post-showering. Plus, it’s clearly already soaked, and has hair on it. Am I supposed to rub my dripping, yet clean, hands all over that business? The towel smells, and I’m pretty sure its seen places my hands don’t want to touch.

3) How about these random other towels hanging on a rung right above the toilet? These seem dry…and clean… and normally absorbent… but these seem like my friend’s roommate’s towels. Do I dry my hands creepily on the roommate’ s towel?  I’m sure he won’t mind the fact that I just used the bathroom, fondled myself, rinsed my hands quickly and wiped my grubby claws over his new towels, right?

4) (If you’re at a party) Oh…am I supposed to use the soaked towel that’s fallen off the rack onto the ground, and now has hair and dustballs stuck to it? Yeah…thanks everyone, for being team players here.

5) Do bathrobes count? I’ll just wipe my hands on the outside of the robe – that side never touches naked body parts, so it’s ok.

6) Toilet paper and tissues – yep those’ll work in a pinch, just like in a public restroom.  Nevermind that I’ll be using half the roll/box to absorb the mess; the hosts will be too distracted by the smell of the bathroom.

Yes, JFN, this is how my crazy mind works.  I always find myself negotiating a bathroom situation after its too late…sigh.

Happy Awkward Monday!  Follow me on Twitter @junkfoodguy!

Sincerely, Junk Food Guy