Junk Food Nation, last night my Yankees lost (which I’m sure many of you are not crying about). No matter – the immediate NEXT question is what I, as a fan, do now?  I think it’s acceptable to bandwagon jump in the postseason when your team loses, otherwise you’re saying that fans whose teams aren’t in the postseason don’t get to root for anyone.  But the real question is: WHO to root for?

The two schools of thought are, of course:

(1) Root for the team that knocked you out. That way if they win it all, you can eventually say, “Hey, at least we lost to the eventual champions.”

(2) Root against the team that knocked you out. Hell hath no fury like a baseball fan scorned.

Which way do you come down?  Me, after the jump.  Today’s junk food: Simply 7 Sea Salt Hummus Chips!

The Money Shot

Simply 7 Sea Salt Hummus Chips jumped out at me right away.  First, I love hummus.  Give me a tub of hummus and a big ol bag of Stacy’s Pita Chips?  Forget it – I’ll be occupied for the evening.  I mean, who DOESN’T like hummus.  Tangy, creamy, hearty with sooo many variations!  Spicy, red pepper, garlic – it’s just an explosion of flavor.

But CHIPS made out of hummus?  NOW you’re talking.

Simply 7

Simply 7, I assumed, would mean seven ingredients total used in the bag of chips.  But….it’s not.  The seven refers to seven core principles that this company uses in manufacturing its products.  Seriously? THAT IS SO. LAME.  That’s not impressive – you CONTROL that. One more principle and you’re “Simply 8?”  Weak sauce.

Salt in a wooden spoon

Don’t these Simply 7 Sea Salt Hummus Chips look strangely like…sea shells?  With the random lighthouse picture in the background, by the sea…

Plus, the imagery here is very strange.  (1) I’ve never bought chickpeas in a burlap sack before, and (2) who uses a wooden spoon like that to serve salt? I feel like even if we went back in time, this would be unrealistic. (But some design genus thought this made sense.  For reals.)

Gourmet, eh?

Gourmet chickpea snack. That’s good. I was sick of all those white trash chickpea snacks I’d been eating.

Wait, 7500 years ago?

I like the idea that the company is trying to push the benefits of chickpeas, but they must know that they’re basically appealing to a limited audience – people who already LIKE chickpeas.  After all, I can’t imagine any hummus virgin consumer reading this and saying, “7500 years these things have been around? Well, I’ve gotta join the party before its too late!”

Unit Core God Country

Ah, yes, the seven core principles.  I get it, Simply 7…you’re very proud. Reading this list, I still think, WTF, but whatever – you run with it.

Dipping hummus chips...in hummus?

NO. WAY. A hummus recipe on the back of a bag of hummus chips?  And the little stamp below it says to try hummus chips in your favorite dip…like…hummus?  If I eat hummus with hummus chips, do I rip the space-time continuum and go through a wormhole?

Sea shells?

These Simply 7 Sea Salt Hummus Chips felt flaky, light, and each one was about the size of a large pistachio.  (I realize after typing that – not the most vivid comparison in the world. I know someone’s out there wondering, “Well, how big is an effing pistachio? Chickpeas, pistachios??? I need to get back to my fried ranch dressing balls, hippie!“)

Chickpea crunchies!

Ok, ok…I’ve been bashing these Simply 7 Sea Salt Hummus Chips, but I just popped a few in my mouth, and they are delicious.  The crunch: light, airy, kind of like a Pop Chip.  Satisfying – the crunch lets off a nice savory flavor.  The taste: lightly salted with a tiiiiny hint of garlic. Just a savory carb taste.  Did it taste a lot like hummus or chickpeas?  Not really.  There was no strong tahini taste either.  Nope, just a good, light, quality, savory-tasting chip.  So crispy and light, in fact, that before I knew it, 3/4 of the bag was gone.

Simply 7 is simply good. But put more chips in the bag, please.

===

When my team is knocked out, it’s pretty clear where I come down – Tigers, although I love Verlander and Cabrera and your gritty bullpen, I now must root against you like it’s my job.  Which, as a fan, IS my job. No CHANCE I’m rooting for the team that knocked me out so I can sheepishly say “Well, at least we won to the champs.” That’s it utter BS – I NEVER wanna utter those words.  I want the opposing team to vanish from existence!

Stupid Cabrera batting 3-for-4 with a home run. Stupid Valverde and his awesome glasses.  I’ll buy your cars, but I won’t root for Detroit. Grumble.

Wait, I drive a Honda.

Sincerely, Junk Food Guy