Junk Food Nation, it was announced earlier this month that Madonna would be the halftime entertainment for this year’s Super Bowl.  And all I could think was, “Uuuggggggh.”

Now, slow your roll, let me finish. I love Madonna. Who doesn’t? (Apparently the Catholic League).  But seriously, who doesn’t? Borderline, Like a Prayer, Vogue? Madonna is top five of the greatest solo artists ever.

So why “Ugh?” Because I just worry. The Super Bowl Halftime Show has been a disappointment to me in recent years. It’s either washed up acts who used to be great but now sound like a shell of their former selves, or current stars doing some effed up medley of all of their hits.  Let’s review the past three years:

1) 2011, Black Eyed Peas, Usher, Slash – they sang “I Gotta Feeling That This Sweet Child O Mine is Getting Started In Here with OMG.” Ugh.

2) 2010, The Who – worst. ever. I loved the Who but they sounded horrible and looked like geriatrics. They sang “Who Are You?” Precisely.

3) 2009, Bruce Springsteen – no one loves the Boss more than me, but I’m not sure a guy that old should still be wearing sleeveless denim vests.

Not the most inspiring bunch.  Who would *I* like to see?  Find out after the jump.  Anywho……today’s junk food is a bit of a conundrum. Can bread be junk food? I say sure – when it’s loaded with sugar, flavoring, and eaten as an entire loaf in one sitting (1200+ calories…that’s a lot of fuel).  I mean, if I was such a pig to eat 16 slices of bread in one sitting.  <shifty eyes>

Anyways, presenting: Pepperidge Farm Limited Edition Pumpkin Spice Swirl Bread!

Pepperidge Farm Limited Edition Pumpkin Spice Swirl Bread is clearly meant to be eaten on its own. You’re not sticking salami or vegetables on this bread.  It’s either meant to be eaten as is, or with lots of butter.  In essence, this bread is designed to be a stand alone treat.

I enjoy and have reviewed many Pepperidge Farm products, so I was already expecting this to be good.

Swirl Bread – what an amazing name. Swirl is just a nifty word – you can add it to anything and it sounds cool. Swirl cake. Yum. Swirl pasta. That works too. Swirl sauce. Gimme.

The Pepperidge Farm website indicates that these breads are designed to be toasted such that the cinnamon smell just fills your home.  I’m down with that.

Another win for the Junk Food Guy – this Pumpkin Spice Swirl bread isn’t on Pepperidge Farm’s website! Woot. I’m a beta eater!

The depiction of the product on the bag is clear and flawless.  You’ve got pumpkins, you’ve got cinnamon, and you’ve got slices of bread that show the swirl and (presumably) what the bread actually looks like. This is a perfectly designed display – you’re not fooled into thinking you’re getting something that you’re not.

#greatdescription #feelslikehome <drooling> … <so far>

Ok, so this Pepperidge Farm Limited Edition Pumpkin Spice Swirl Bread kind of looks like the Pepperidge Farm Raisin Bread, but it’s not.  Those specks and spots might be confused with white raisins…but let’s look closer.

Ah-ha!  Delicious pockets of pumpkin sugary spice.  Awesome (I hope).  The ribbon of cinnamon and sugar looks fresh as well.

Time for a bite…and… hmm. I tried this bread a bunch of different ways… plain. Toasted. Toasted and buttered.  And in all different forms, very tasty! But still….hmmm.

Good cinnamon and sugar flavor, but….I couldn’t really taste the pumpkin.  To be fair, I wasn’t expecting a HUGE pumpkin flavor… after all, this was bread, not a pastry.  The bread wasn’t covered in frosting or strudel; this bread wasn’t really sweet – which I kind of liked.  Nope – just a good, solid, flavorful bread that has a nice flavor. But not really a pumpkin flavor.  I tried to taste the bread as I chewed with my eyes closed… and maybe MAYBE there was a SLIGHT pumpkin taste. But mainly, I tasted cinnamon, sugar, and sweet bread.

So…yeah. A tasty bread, but I don’t know if it tasted any different than Pepperidge Farm’s various cinnamon breads.  Which isn’t a bad thing – but it makes this product not distinct.

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To me, the Super Bowl Halftime Show is the biggest stage on TV each year, so you need a big enough act to fill it. Is Madonna one?  The answer: yes, Madonna is one.  If you look at the recent highest grossing concert tours, you’ll see that Madonna is in the Top 5.  Additionally, both U2 and the Rolling Stones are at the top of the list…which is no surprise.  Both of those bands have already done the Super Bowl Halftime Show in the past decade, also.

Will Madonna be good? In all actuality, probably yes – she’s at least a PERFORMER, and not just a singer, so the halftime show will probably have better production value. Still, Madonna doesn’t scream “football” to me.

So who would I choose?  For me the choice (and setup) is clear: THE FOO FIGHTERS.  Oh, whatever, nerds, follow me here: 2011 is a decade anniversary of when Nirvana’s Nevermind album hit, and I think most would agree it was a game changing album. Dave Grohl, lead signer of the Foo Fighters, was the drummer in Nirvana.  The Foo Fighters have a new album out now called Wasting Light.

The Foos take the stage in dim lights, smoke filling the field, and they open with the familiar chords of “Smells Like Teen Spirit.”  As the drums kick in, fireworks go off and the field is flooded with lights as the Foos rock out the legendary hit and the crowd turns all that football fueled aggressiveness into pure mayhem in the stands.  Then they continue rocking into whatever awful medley of their hits they want to, ending of course with “Rope” – their current hit on the radio.

It makes perfect sense to me!

What would YOU like to see perform? Tell me what you think in the comments below or hit me on Twitter @junkfoodguy or on my Facebook Page.

Sincerely, Junk Food Guy