Junk Food Nation, I feel compelled to followup yesterday’s post with a follow-up that my friend Shorneys pointed out to me.  The MOST uncomfortable “unexpected warmth” moment is, indeed, warm toilet seat.  How could I have forgotten this horrifying situation?  As he puts it:

“I can’t believe you didn’t hit on the worst worst WORST one ever. Toilet seats. That’s not just ass heat. That’s bare-fleshed ass heat. Worst feeling EVER.”

Of course, this begs the question: why are YOU putting your butt down bare-assed on a toilet seat to feel someone ELSE’s butt heat?  In my office, I am one of those neurotic (yet clearly correct) people who tends to layer down a blanket of toilet paper and toilet covers before placing my rump anywhere near the porcelain bowl.  HOPEFULLY some of any previous warmth if absorbed and dispelled before I get close.

Yeeeeg – I can’t type anymore about this.  Now I’m all creeped out.

Today’s junk food features two new flavors of Pepperidge Farm Goldfish Crackers that I spotted: Chocolate Chip Goldfish Grahams & Flavor Blasted Wild White Cheddar Goldfish!

Chocolate Chip Goldfish Grahams and Flavor Blasted Wild White Cheddar Goldfish are not currently featured on the Pepperidge Farm website (WIN).  I had reviewed Goldfish crackers before, so I was eager totry these flavors.

Interestingly, on its website, Pepperidge Farm has a slogan for Goldfish crackers: the snack that smiles back.  Um, what? I have never heard that slogan once before in my entire life!

I really like that Pepperidge Farm has made a whole line of Graham Goldfish crackers.  It makes total sense, really – after years of making the savory type, why NOT delve into the sweet?  And Chocolate Chip Goldfish Grahams is a very cool concept – tiny chocolate chip cookie grahams?  Sign me up!

These little graham goldfish are clearly displayed, and the consumer sees exactly what he/she is buying – graham cracker goldfish speckled with tiny bits of chocolate.

You know, all the Grahams Goldfish line features cartoon fish who are wearing sunglasses.  Why? I mean, sure, graham crackers are cool, we all know that but… oh wait, nope there’s nothing cool about graham crackers.

This was on the side of the bag.  What is this, baseball cards for cartoon goldfish?  Someone has too much time on their hands over at Pepperidge Farms.

Chocolate Chip Goldfish Grahams, first look. Matches the photos on the packaging.  And look, the fish ARE smiling back.  You were right all along, Pepperidge Farms.

As I crunched down on these Chocolate Chip Goldfish Grahams, I was really pleased.  A sweet graham cracker with a nice crunched, and the little bits of chocolate, no matter how tiny, really came through in the flavor.  That is, you really got that initial bitterness of the chocolate at first that developed into a sweet cocoa taste that mixed well with the graham flavor.  These were definitely tasty.

Flavor Blasted Wild White Cheddar Goldfish — MMMMM now these I was excited for.  Of course, I am a sucker for cheesy snacks, who isn’t??

I must admit, however, I was hesitant to review these goldfish crackers because, quite frankly, white cheddar has been done before.  I suspected that these would taste just like White Cheddar Cheez-Its.

And if these Flavor Blasted Wild White Cheddar Goldfish DID taste just like White Cheddar Cheez-Its, was that a bad thing? No. I effing love White Cheddar Cheez-Its.  But would I ever but these goldfish OVER White Cheddar Cheez-Its, knowing the flavor profiles?  Hmmmmm.

The Wild White Cheddar Goldfish were uniform and pretty – light colored goldfish crackers with the signature smile etched in and sprinkled with cheesy powder.  As soon as the bag was opened, the cheesy flavor wafted about.  It was really nice.

As I chewed, my suspicions were confirmed.  These tasted really really good.  Heavy white cheddar flavor, and a nice crunch from the goldfish cracker itself.  Plain and simple.  No real other description needed. Not overly salty, and not overly messy either, despite the extra powder.

As compared to White Cheddar Cheez-Its, I think both CAN co-exist, and that I would buy these again. The goldfish crackers are just a lighter cracker than Cheez-Its.  White Cheez-Its are more hearty and contain a bigger chew, I think these are a nice contrast with the crispness of the goldfish cracker while still matching a similar flavor.

So in recap:

Chocolate Chip Goldfish Grahams: tasty and chocolatey.

Flavor Blasted Wild White Cheddar Goldfish: crisp and cheezy.

Warm toilet seat: awful ass-heat.

What are your thoughts? Tell me what you think in the comments below or hit me on Twitter @junkfoodguy or on my Facebook Page.

Sincerely, Junk Food Guy