Junk Food Nation, I recently talked about something that tilts me – when people don’t sit down on the subway.  Now, clearly, I don’t have that problem – I cut right through all the BS and politeness and I sit my ass down on a seat if no one else is going to.  Here’s the thing though: I am a polite, polite person.  I will get up for a pregnant woman, a guy with a cane, etc.  I’m no monster. What I AM, however, is (apparently) a semi-narcoleptic.  In other words, I like the sleep on the subway after a long day of work.

In DC’s subway, the seats right next to the door have handicap stickers on them, and are reserved for people in need of seats.  But you ARE allowed to sit there, if all the over-polite asses aren’t going to. One day a couple weeks ago, I am riding the subway, and it’s only sort of busy/ light crowd on the subway car. Both handicap seats are open, and several offers for people to sit down are vocalized, but of course, everyone is too proud to sit.  So I sit my butt down, and promptly doze off.  I’m pretty sure it was the kind of nod-off where my chin was touching my chest.

I’m riding the subway for a few stops, when I feel a jab in my chest. I startle awake, look up, and its an old guy, probably about 70 years old, who has just jabbed his cane into my sternum!  I’m all cloudy and confused but I manage to say, “who..what?”  I look bewildered at a girl who is sitting in the other handicap seat, confused.  The old guy yells, “GET UP, YOU’RE IN MY SEAT!”

Now, of course, realizing what was going on, I quickly stood with apologetic body language and ushered the old guy into the seat.  He sat, satisfied.  And I stood there, waking up, realizing I had just been pwned by an old man!  Look, I would’ve GIVEN him the seat, but I was UNCONSCIOUS.  What gives HIM the right to jab me???

As I stood there hanging onto a bar, next to the old man, fuming, another old person approaches, and the girl in the other handicap seat gets up and gives the other old man her seat.  The FIRST old man looks at her, points RIGHT AT ME, and announces, “You’re a lot nicer than this jerk!”

WTF, OLD MAN? I. WAS. ASLEEP.  Now everyone’s looking at me like I hate old people! Which, after dealing with you, I must say…I’m warming up to it.

More after the jump.  Today’s junk food: Limited Edition Sweet Cinnamon Wheat Thins!

The Money Shot

Two things I need to mention that I discovered while doing research on these Limited Edition Sweet Cinnamon Wheat Thins. (1) They are so limited they’re not even on the Wheat Thins website (WIN), and (2) Wheat Thins’ slogan is apparently now “The Crunch is Calling”…whatever that means.

I remember the days when Wheat Thins were promoted by Sandy Duncan. The focus was easy back then: baked not fried, and big on taste. I guess these days, with so many baked snacks out there, its important to focus on something unique about Wheat Thins…like the crunch.  Riiiight…..

Limited Edition = junk food gold

Limited Edition Sweet Cinnamon Wheat Thins jumped off the shelf at me for obvious reason – whenever I see the words “Limited Edition,” I literally start to dance a little jig in the aisle.  Anyone watching me is welcome to join in.  I mean, sweet cinnamon??? That sounds delicious.  But why are there weird snowflakes on the box?

Joy to the world

Ah, that’s why.  Limited Edition Sweet Cinnamon Wheat Thin apparently has equated cinnamon to holidays and winter which…is a BIT of a stretch, but I can see where they’re going with this.

This is a great label/box cover, by the way.  The snowman picture is easily understood – his arms are raised upward either in worship of the falling snow or of the cracker itself.  Whichever one it is, the joy is communicated easily.  I like the colors, I like the style – all in all, its a very cool image.  Definitely jumped off the box in the store (which in this instance was my local Safeway).

I will, I WILL!

Again, I can see where cinnamon is closer to the holiday season than any OTHER season, but…it’s not the FIRST flavor I think of, even though I guess it IS a main ingredient in spiced cookies, cakes, etc.  I dunno.  I guess I never was one of those kids who grew up with hot cocoa with a cinnamon stick in it.

Um...disgusting

Limited Edition Sweet Cinnamon Wheat Thins suggests eating these sweet crackers with a dip created from apples, cheese, chives, and processed ham.  Gag – I guess I was never one of those kids who grew up eating disgusting fondue combinations in the 80’s.

Contains WHAT!?

Limited Edition Sweet Cinnamon Wheat Thins contains….WHEAT!?  WTF!!!!!  WHEAT THINS CONTAIN WHEAT!?

Perfect brown speckled crackers

Limited Edition Sweet Cinnamon Wheat Thins look just like regular Wheat Thins, just covered in sweet cinnamon.  In the dictionary, under “redundant“….. it says “please see the word redundant …” Actually, the thing I noticed about these crackers was that even though they are called “Sweet Cinnamon,” the crackers were NOT doused with sugar…just cinnamon.  Would this affect the taste?

Like perfect cinnamon toast

Crunch crunch crunch…NOPE.  Um, these Limited Edition Sweet Cinnamon Wheat Thins are amazing.  It tastes EXACTLY like cinnamon toast – you know the kind you’d make back in the day with a couple pieces of tasted white bread, smothered with buttered and sprinkled with sugar and cinnamon!

Even though I didn’t see any sugar visibly on the cracker, these were very sweet, and loaded with cinnamon flavor.  The buttery flavor of the Wheat Thin came through, and melded well with the cinnamon and sugar.  All in all, this was a crunchy, buttery, sweet cinnamon-y treat!  And I could NOT stop eating them.  Very very good, Nabsico.  Please don’t leave these limited – they should be shared year round.

—-

Getting yelled at by an old person is so hard.  Unless its a family member, we all have the same thought: Just because you’re old doesn’t mean you’ve got some kind of asshole emeritus card now; you don’t just get to do whatever the hell you want.

Because you know that’s what some old people think – I’m old, so just get the hell out of my way. If I want to start eating your pie at a lunch counter, you can’t stop me – I’m old and pretend I thought it was mine.  If I want to open bread bags at the grocery and feel the end pieces – I’m old and this is how we figured out which bread was freshest back in MY day.  If I hit a bumper with my Oldsmobile, its because I’m old.  Hell, my car has the word OLD in the name!  You think I give a crap??

Look, I am NOT an old-person hater, nor am I an age-ist, or whatever you want to call it.  But if you’re old and you want the seat – just ask ok?  Before I take that cane and show you how rude I can really be.

Any thoughts; for example, IS cinnamon a holiday flavor, or have you ever been yelled at by an old person? Tell me in the comments below or hit me on Twitter @junkfoodguy or on my Facebook Page.

Sincerely, Junk Food Guy