Junk Food Nation, I *was* going to spend this beautiful Friday discussing the Blagojevich sentencing and a local politician who got his own legal reckoning, but I couldn’t let an absurd sports story pass without commentary.  (I’m sorry – I *will* get to the junk food review, but I can’t let this go). I am not referring to the LA Angels signing Albert Pujols and CJ Wilson for $800 million dollars (it wasn’t that much? Felt like it), or the LA Clippers signing Caron Butler to a 3-year $24 million dollar deal (wasn’t the lockout about avoiding these kinds of deals?). No, I am referring to the UNABASHED MEDDLING BULLSH*T that the NBA pulled yesterday in cancelling the Chris Paul-Pau Gasol Lakers-Rockets-Hornets deal.

First, some background.  The NBA is a sport unlike the other sports and needs all the life support it can get. The owners, unlike other sports, are usually people of new money, buying basketball teams as a toy. Malcolm Gladwell, one of my favorite writers, did a piece on this (brilliant read). Second, Chris Paul is a wonderful point guard whose contract with New Orleans ends at the end of this season, and the Hornets (run by the NBA because they are effectively bankrupt) CANNOT AFFORD HIM. Let’s repeat that, they CANNOT AFFORD HIM.  Third, (a personal point), I’m not ranting about this trade because I like any of the teams – I have no interest in the Lakers, Rockets, OR Hornets.

So what happened? Three teams came together to pull off a trade that would’ve benefited all parties: the Lakers had an extra big man in Pau Gasol (with Andrew Bynum in waiting in the wings, forgetting that he’s softer than Jell-O) and Houston desprately needed size.  Houston had extra draft picks and some good young cheaper players that New Orleans coveted and that would’ve been good for its future.  And New Orleans had the amazing Paul, who they CAN’T AFFORD TO KEEP, and LA needed a court general.

Win win, right? Well, apparently this perfectly rationale deal set other NBA owners into a child-like tizzy, and caused obnoxious Cavs owner Dan Gilbert to send this email:

“It would be a travesty to allow the Lakers to acquire Chris Paul in the apparent trade being discussed.“

Really Dan? You’re the same owner who, yes, got screwed over by that douche Lebron, but drew no sympathy because you revealed yourself to be a baby-like prick as a result? As another sports website opined: “Not only was the trade for Paul fair, it was by far the best deal the Hornets could have gotten. The people of New Orleans, struggling to keep their team, were essentially overlooked by a group of owners with designs on showing players who is boss. After LeBron James orchestrated the biggest PR disaster we’ve seen in years, only a herculean effort could have made him look like a saint. Dan Gilbert, everybody.”

Dan Gilbert, you and your stupid face need to shut the hell up. Just because you don’t “like” the deal, you work to submarine it?  And David Stern, you arrogant jerk, you’re also to blame for this fiasco.  MORE ON THIS RANT AFTER THE JUMP….such effin’ BS.

Breathe in, breathe out…ok.  Today I am reviewing two more Pepperidge Farm products: Pepperidge Farm Milano Slices, Crunchy Almond / Sweet Toffee!

I’m not quite sure these are a new product, per se, but they come in a fancy dandy holiday bag with snowflakes and *I’ve* never seen them before, so figured, why not? I’ll review ’em both at the same time. These are listed on the Pepperidge Farm website, so I’m gonna count these as a WIN.

Pepperidge Farm Milano Slices are basically half the Milano, keep the chocolate, and then sprinkle with candy or nuts.  I have to admit…am I the only one who feels like they’re getting HALF the cookies here?  Is this some concerted way for Pepperidge Farm to stretch out their cookie manufacturing, and use up some leftover ingredients from OTHER cookies?  Is this the fruitcake of cookies?

…These descriptions look…similar.

Well, these certainly LOOK delectable.  Kudos to Pepperidge Farm for using a dark chocolate fudge on these – the color is nice, especially in contrast with the cookie and the toppings.

I was RIGHT however – normally Milanos come five cookies to a paper tray cup, and here there are five slices…which, when put together, equals 2.5 cookies!  DUPED, I TELL YA!

The Crunchy Almond slices were nicely covered in big chunks of crushed almond, embedded into the chocolate.  No skimping here.

The taste? Delicious of course.  I mean, it’s still a Milano cookie, with its super soft buttery cookie that falls apart and melts in your mouth. The chocolate is rich and creamy and a mixes well with the butter cookie flavor.  The nuts?  Well…they’re nice, but didn’t really add much to the flavor.  Just a good texture.  I’d give these 3 out of 5 stars.

The Sweet Toffee version was also nicely encrusted with crackled toffee pieces. Both versions of these Milano slices had a good helping of chocolate on them – it was not a thin spread layer.

The taste, also delicious, and I’d give these 4 of 5 stars.  The toffee here DID contribute to the flavor, as the candy crunch and caramel sugar taste of the toffee really added to the overall butter and chocolate taste. Because both of these cookies were Slices, and not full Milanos, they didn’t have that familiar firmness to a whole Milano cookie – instead these fall apart rather easily in the mouth (which wasn’t really a bad thing).

All in all both were an exceptional cookie experience, with the Toffee Crunch variety edging the Almond variety slightly.  But, as always, good work, Pepperidge Farms.

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Let’s see, where was I?  Oh yes:

And David Stern, you arrogant jerk, you’re also to blame for this fiasco.  HOW are teams, in the future, going to know they’re trades will happen? What confidence is there in any fair dealing if the league can revoke at the last second? Do you realize what you’ve DONE, Stern??

This isn’t a fantasy league where owners collude to win in the playoffs – these are opposing teams trying to do business! To quote a report from an NBA exec:

“We were all told by the league he was a trade-able player, and now they’re saying that Dell doesn’t have the authority to make the trade?” said an NBA executive who had periodic talks with New Orleans throughout the process. “Now, they’re saying that Dell is an idiot, that he can’t do it his job. [Expletive] this whole thing. David’s drunk on power, and he doesn’t give a [expletive] about the players, and he doesn’t give a [expletive] about the hundreds of hours the teams put in to make that deal.

“How do the Lakers explain this to Odom? How does Houston deal with the guys it just tried to trade? Scola and Martin are going to be pissed at them, and who knows how long that takes to get over? Explain to me how the league kills this Pau Gasol deal, but allows Kwame Brown for Pau Gasol?

“To me, this makes the league feel like it’s rigged, that Stern just does whatever Stern wants to do. He’s messed up the competitive balance of this league a lot worse by killing the deal, because you’ve completely destroyed the planning that New Orleans, Houston did and left them in shambles over this. I’ve never been so discouraged about this league, never so down.

“I mean, come on: Chris Paul is leaving New Orleans in 66 games. He’s gone. And what’s Dell Demps, and that franchise, going to have to show for it?”

Nice job, David Stern and Dan Gilbert.  You’ve shown the world why the NBA is an effing joke.  Have fun with your 66-game season as the NFL and MLB rank in billions more dollars than your stupid game. I hope a garbage truck T-bones your limos, asses.

Thoughts? Hit me in the comments below or hit me on Twitter @junkfoodguy or on my Facebook Page.

Sincerely, Junk Food Guy