Junk Food Nation, I love to go to baseball games. The atmosphere, the game, the hot dogs – all good. One thing I don’t love but I tolerate are the schticky bits that occur on the Jumbotron – things like the Kiss Cam, dance contests, and the like.  Here in DC, Nationals Park is no different. Their in-stadium host, Clint, spends the game chucking t-shirts, leading cheers, and running contests with fans in the stands.

Now, it’s no secret that these in-stadium hosts try to find the most photogenic people to put up on the scoreboard for these contests… after all, who wants to look at a slob blown up to scoreboard size? (Sorry, it’s true.)  Last season, Clint managed to find these two smoking hot blonde girls to do a quick trivia quiz.  These girls were clearly in their early 20’s, had clearly just tagged along with their boyfriends (who were wearing their sunglasses on the back of their heads – AWESOME), and were clearly spending the game texting each other.  They were clueless, defined..

Clint introduces the trivia game and away we go! He reads out the question and puts three options on the scoreboard.  The question isn’t important – all that matters is that B was the correct answer. This fan behind them starts yelling “B! B!!!!!” as these two girls look at the baseball related question, look at each other, look at their boyfriends (who shrug), look back at each other and are at a loss for words.  The fan behind them is red in the face SCREAMING “It’s B!!!! IT’S B!!!!!!!!!!” Finally, the girls notice him, look at each other confused, and tell Clint, “B?”

Lo and behold they are correct! Clint tells them, “You’ve won a full software version from this question’s sponsor, Rosetta Stone!” The girls: *blank faces* …because they have no idea what the hell Rosetta Stone is. (For the uninitiated, Rosetta Stone is a language learning software that has commercials on TV CONSTANTLY. A full version can run anywhere from $200-$500).  These girls clearly aren’t thrilled because they have no idea what they’ve won.

Clint: “Ok, ladies, which language would you like?” The girls: *even more confused looks on their faces* …because they don’t know what Rosetta Stone is, they have ZIPPY CLUE how to even interpret that question.  People around me in the stands start to snicker…everyone else is starting to notice this awkwardness.  These girls literally stare at each other for a good 15-20 seconds silently, shrugging.

Clint: “Alright, ladies, we’ll give you Spanish – congratulations!” He hands over the big yellow box which contains the Rosetta Stone software, and the girls accept it, bewildered. They sort of hold it up, victoriously, but you can tell they have no clue what it is.  An old man nearby my seat yells, “My god, they don’t even know what it IS,” prompting several rows to laugh.

Was it awkward? Yes, but not for me so that made it ok. Are all hot girls clueless (which is just a kinder word than stupid)? Of course not.   Were these girls clueless? Yes.  Did I laugh at them? Yes.

Today’s junk food: Strawberry Milkshake Whoppers!

The Money Shot

Strawberry Milkshake Whoppers are not a new candy by any stretch, but they are one of my favorite. Someone once told me he thought Whoppers tasted like rotted teeth and Styrofoam.  Blasphemy I say!  These pink treats, purchased at my local Walmart, have been around since 2006 and are tasty.  Hersheys, I am one of your biggest fans!

Splish Splash Milky Shake!

Whoppers are normally malted milk balls covered with a chocolate-flavored coating produced by The Hershey Company.  They normally come in a milk carton, as seen above, and when you shake the box it’s loud.  This incarnation of the Whopper is strawberry milkshake flavored instead of chocolate.  Strawberry milkshake flavored!! HOW CAN THESE BE BAD??

18 pieces???

If you’ve ever eaten Whoppers, you know that they are not healthy – I mean, it’s malted milk balls covered in sugar.  Correction: it’s all sugar.  So when I see that 18 balls is one serving and worth 40% of my daily saturated fat, I am not surprised.  I’m more surprised that they suggested that 18 balls SHOULD be one serving.  My serving size concept is all out of whack.

Mmmmm resinous glaze

The first ingredient: sugar. YEAH IT IS. *high five* Just be blunt with it, Hersheys, I like it!

Pink balls!

More pink balls!

These little pink balls are as spherical as they can be and roll all over the places when shaken out of the box.  Extremely light and airy, the balls smell IMMEDIATELY of strawberry milkshakes.  They really do – or maybe they smell more like a box of Crunchberries cereal.  Either way, I get a strong (artificial) berry smell right away.

Malty center

To crunch on these Strawberry Milkshake Whoppers is to be in heaven.  Just delicious.  Strong Strawberry creamy taste on the outside, chocolatey malty flavor inside.  When mixed together, you get a delightful malt-strawberry flavor.  It’s very similar to the flavor I got when I ate those Berry Burst Oreos. A little fruit, a little cream/malt/chocolate flavor – amazing.

The malt balls were crunchy, yet light, and they whole thing dissolved in your mouth to coat your tongue with creamy sugary goodness.  Highly recommend!

Have a good Monday everyone!

Thoughts? Tell me in the comments below or hit me on Twitter @junkfoodguy or on my Facebook Page.

Sincerely, Junk Food Guy