Junk Food Nation, wanna see me shriek like a little girl?  Three things ensure the event: (1) the movie “The Grudge,” (2) big ass spider coming out of no where, and (3) waking up to find your wireless router / backup hard drive to be completely and utterly DONESKY.  Took it to the Genius Bar, and it needs replacing.  Damnit.

Anyways, that’s why this post is so late.  I spent the whole morning dealing with this fiasco.  Now I’m posting this blogpost while hawking my neighbors’ Wi-Fi.  Thanks, “094f67ha45qy-net.”  Thanks.

Today’s junk food: New Zesty Salsa Wheat Thins!

The Money Shot

These New Zesty Salsa Wheat Thins were brought to my attention by Twitter follower King Rhino.  They were first spotted on Amazon.com, but I found them in my local Giant and Safeway stores.  You’ll notice that they call them Zesty Salsa Verde on Amazon, even though on the box it clearly says Zesty Salsa.  Stop making shit up, Amazon.

How powerful...or ridiculous

The cover of these New Zesty Salsa Wheat Thins reminds me of the last scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark.  Except in this version, angry ghosts come out…and delight your mouth with zesty salsa flavor. That works, right?

BIG LETTERS

The back of the New Zesty Salsa Wheat Thins box makes my head hurt.  Is this the Ford F-150 commercial?

MORE BIG LETTERS

BIG LETTERS on the side of this New Zesty Salsa Wheat Thins box.  Then smaller letters indicating 20g of whole gran. Then TTEEEEENY letters which state “you’re eating too many carbs, fatty.”

Bell Peppers! Yes!

New Zesty Salsa Wheat Thins contain dried green bell peppers – I like it.  Usually when something is “salsa” flavor they go more of the red route…tomato powder, and paprika, etc.  The fact that this is going green is an interesting twist, I feel.

Green sizzle

Each Zesty Salsa Wheat Thin is covered with light green powder.  The box itself smelled…well, tangy and had a slight cumin-y smell.  I like it.  Let’s eat.

Green powder 🙂

These New Zesty Salsa Wheat Thins are really really good.  The traditional Wheat Thin taste is undeniably good – baked, not fried, lots of wheaty goodness, and a nice crunch.  The toasted edges are the best, and these Wheat Thins aren’t greasy, which means you can eat a lot of them.

Flavor? Thought you’d never ask.  Very interesting.  I get a definite jalapeno and green pepper taste.  Which is interesting because I’m not sure if I’ve ever had a salsa with green bell pepper in it – jalapeno, yes, bell pepper? No.  Add on to the nice savory pepper taste a good helping of cumin and onion powder – now the taste really starts to round out.  The crackers themselves start to get this sort of “taco seasoning” flavor, but with a little burn at the end. But what made these NOT taste just like taco seasoning was a slight tanginess throughout it all, which REALLY reminded me of the flavor of tomatillos in salsa!  This note alone really elevated the overall flavor.  So what are you left with? Peppery, cumin-y, onion-y, tangy tomatillo-y, spicy flavor.  Like, indeed – a zesty salsa.

Good work, Wheat Thins!  I will definitely be eating these again.

Comments? Hit me in the comments below or hit me on Twitter @junkfoodguy or on my Facebook Page.

Sincerely, Junk Food Guy