Junk Food Nation, let me tell you what happens when you come back from a 5-6 day excursion to Vegas.  You wake up not knowing what time it is.  You go to work with 57 emails in your inbox, forgetting what it is that you exactly do.  You try to write a blog post and can’t even remember how to upload pictures.  And worst of all – you still smell like booze!  WTF, Vegas.  Stop slipping GHB into my drinks.

Getting back from a long break in the blog and trying to ramp back up is a tough hill to climb, since you’re trying to figure out everything else in your life, like “where are my keys?” and “wait…is an expiration date of 01-23-2011 before..or after… er…now?”  Still now that I’ve had a day to reflect, I’d like to share a few lessons today and tomorrow that I learned in Vegas.

1)      If you have dinner at Tao and are nice to your waiter/waitress, you get into Tao night club for free.  Our waiter Jack…or John… or whatever name, hooked us up nice.  Thanks for the girly drinks, man.

2)      If you try to talk at the naked women sitting in the bathtubs outside of Tao, you will get yelled at by the bouncers.

3)      Always.  Always. ALWAYS. Bet the Hardways.

4)      The popular belief is that the Hardways is a fool’s bet.  The show Two and a Half Men is also “popular.” I’ll be the fool.

5)      When standing next to a Duke fan in the Planet Hollywood sports book, starting the chant, “How High? LE-HIGH” will definitely get you angrily stared at and quietly cursed at.

6)      The Planet Hollywood Sports Book is a trickster when it comes to Second Half betting.  Just…don’t do it.

7)      The worst way to wake up someone up in the morning: waving a bottle of Bushmills under their nose.

8)      The easiest way to make someone sick in the morning: waving a bottle of Bushmills under their nose.

9)      Don’t wear a costume in Vegas of, say, Woody from Toy Story, unless you’re ready for some serious heckling.

10)   If you are dressed like Woody, don’t flip anyone off when there are kids around.

11)   EAT AT HASH HOUSE A GO GO.

Nice segue way, huh?  I know, I’m a word smith.

Hash House A Go Go is in the Imperial Palace Hotel and Casino, and is a place that serves, as the slogan goes, “Twisted Farm Food.” What they REALLY mean is plates bigger than your head.

This Vegas staple has a number of different locations in Vegas and some in San Diego.  It’s been featured on Food Network and on Man v. Food. Not sure what a tractor bar was.

We came here after a long night of partying (breakfast at 1pm? I guess so!) Following my friends’ one-meal a day plan, this Hash House A Go Go menu provided plenty of options.

I had only one thing in mind, however: the Hash House A Go Go favorite: Andy’s Sage Fried Chicken w/ fresh spinach, hardwood smoked bacon, market tomatoes, griddled mozzarella, chipotle cream sauce, and scrambled eggs.  Oh, yeah, and all served om huge fluffy biscuits??? If this isn’t MEAL junk food – I dunno what is.

This overexposed picture features Hash House A Go Go’s BLT Bloody Mary. My friend Rob ordered it.  It came with a piece of toast and a big straw.  Ridiculous.

And here it is!  Hash House A Go Go’s Sage Fried Chicken!  It arrived with a huge knife jammed through the center, as if it needed additional killing.

Everything looked great on this Hash House A Go Go’s Sage Fried Chicken except for I didn’t know what those thin orange red sticks were poking out from underneath the biscuits.  I tasted one, and it seemed edible…but I can’t remember how it tasted.

I dug into this Hash House A Go Go favorite with full force.  Delicious. What we had here was: Big fried chicken breast.  Cover that with scrambled eggs.  Cover THAT with melted mozzarella cheese.  Put that on top of a bed of fresh spinach, sliced tomatoes, and crispy pork bacon.  That THAT whole stack and place on top of two biscuits, and put THAT on a plate where a bed of mashed potatoes in.  Pour chipotle cream sauce all over the entire pile, and sprinkle on diced re dand green and yellow peppers and scallions.  Insert knife.  Donesky.

Lemme tell you, this was a lot of food, but it was tasty.  The fried chicken breast was perfect, still crispy on the outside despite the cream sauce, and it was complemented well by the scrambled eggs.  The flavor of the fresh veggies (tomato and spinach) along with the salty bacon mixed definitely gave a sort of a BLT flavor.  The melted cheese and the fried chicken and eggs had sort of a chicken parm flavor profile going.  The biscuits, mashed potatoes, and cream sauce provided a big pillowy base and a lot of creamy decadence.

So imagine a BLT with a chicken parm doused in creamy starch and you have Hash House A Go Go’s Sage Fried Chicken!  Interestingly enough, they called it a “fried chicken bene,” or a fried chicken Eggs Benedict.  Well, this was unlike any Eggs Benedict I have ever had. Eventually I just felt like I was scooping off-pink shovels of starchy salty meaty creamy slop into my mouth.

Hash House A Go Go, you defeated me.  I couldn’t finish it.  I got down to this far and had to throw in the towel.  I need to roll myself out of the booth I was so full. Pretty sure I resembled a beach ball and smelled like bacon…the only way to be in Vegas.  Tomorrow for part 2 of what I learned.

Comments? Hit me in the comments below or hit me on Twitter @junkfoodguy or on my Facebook Page.

Sincerely, Junk Food Guy