So, Junk Food Nation, what do you get when you wake up at 11am, do eight loads of laundry, and eat a Chipotle burrito?  This blog post!  Yeah….cough.

H/T to my friend Joe who pointed out to me that just a few days ago, Kraft Foods spun off its snack food division and renamed it Mondelez.  The name change was apparently inspired by Kraft’s desire to create a global snack brand… And Mondelez is what they came up with.  Monde for world and Delez for delicious.  Delicious world.  ……right.

Brands like Nabisco, Oreo, Fig Newtons, etc. will all bear the Mondelez name soon.  All I can say is WTF. No longer will they be Nabisco Oreos, they will be Mondelez Oreos???  Someone punch me in the face and wake me from this apocalyptic present.  Why, Kraft?  WHY.

Anyways, to celebrate this absurd name change, today’s junk food is something that has been around for a while but I’ve only now had a chance to try: Kraft Philadelphia Indulgence Dark Chocolate Cream Cheese Spread!

The Money Shot

That’s right, folks, try Kraft Philadelphia Indulgence Dark Chocolate Cream Cheese Spread and turn bread and bagels into frosted dessert treats!  If that’s not junk food worthy, I dunno what is.  Turn apples into chocolate apples with just one swish! Looking for an easy way to add 400 calories to a simple pretzel!  Kraft (sorry, MONDELEZ) has you covered.

A dark chocolate rose?

I went with the Dark Chocolate Kraft Philadelphia Indulgence Cream Cheese Spread, but if you wanna get a take on the other two versions (Milk Chocolate and White Chocolate) you can check out my friend Foodette’s review of the trio here.

This is made with real Belgian chocolate, huh?  If only they knew we were mixing their decadent chocolate with cream cheese…

Ignore expiration date

Kraft Philadelphia Indulgence Dark Chocolate Cream Cheese Spread is pretty standard when it comes to nutritional content – high in fat, but actually decently low in sugar.  I suppose this is because I went with dark chocolate as opposed to the other two flavors.

For best quality, eat entire tub within 10 days of opening

MMMM Pasteurized Milk Fat!  Plus, Philadelphia Cream Cheese owns creamcheese.com??? That’s a score.

I shall be dipping fruit in here

For those of you who can’t read words on foil, this says, “You are a fat ass.”

Brown

Kraft Philadelphia Indulgence Dark Chocolate Cream Cheese Spread looks pretty good – as soon as you open the foil cover, a deep smell of cocoa wafts through the air.  I tasted a little on my finger tip, and it was decently chocolatey.  The real test is slathering a piece of toast with it though.

Cake it on!

Like so!  Tried to stay healthy with some multigrain toast.  Yeah…that’ll balance out the fact that I’m essentially coating these pieces of bread with a half inch thick of Kraft Philadelphia Indulgence Dark Chocolate Cream Cheese Spread.

I like it smothered

On hot toast, the Kraft Philadelphia Indulgence Dark Chocolate Cream Cheese Spread sort of melts a bit, like you expect cream cheese or peanut butter to, so that’s kind of nice.  I like when spreads goo-ify a little bit.

Perfect bite marks

One bite and….eh.  Ok, ok, I’ll fully analyze this Kraft Philadelphia Indulgence Dark Chocolate Cream Cheese Spread.  Where to begin?

Texture: smooth and easy to spread, just like cream cheese.  Did not feel light and fluffy like frosting – this was definitely a more substantial spread.  At some points when spreading, the cream cheese kind of slid around a little bit – like regular cream cheese does when it starts to heat up.

Taste: Decent. Nice dark chocolate taste and good cocoa flavor.  Did not taste overly sweet, so the dark chocolate aspect of the spread really sung.  Kinda bitter and tangy, like dark chocolate is.

Problems? The flavor went away really quickly for me…the first few chews gave good chocolate flavor, but then like cream cheese the whole thing sort of slides away and you’re left with a more muted cocoa flavor on the bread.  This is NOT like Nutella, whose hazelnut cocoa flavor keeps coming back and back and back as you eat it.  This spread hits strong at first and then fades quickly.

Would I eat it again? Sure, but I’ll prob just stick to Nutella in the future.

Thoughts? Hit me in the comments below or hit me on Twitter @junkfoodguy or on my Facebook Page. Sincerely, Junk Food Guy