Junk Food Nation, today in DC is Emancipation Day, which commemorates the day in 1862 when President Abraham Lincoln signed the Compensated Emancipation Act for the release of certain persons held to service or labor in the District of Columbia.  The Act freed about 3,100 enslaved persons in the District of Columbia nine months before President Lincoln issued his famous Emancipation Proclamation. This day was made an official DC holiday in 2005, which means that today I have NO WORK and everyone else in the country, including Federal Government, has work to do.  And THAT, Junk Food Nation, is your Monday morning history lesson. Also, THAT is why this post is up so late – I slept in.  Yup.

Today in DC is also supposed to be 90 degrees, so I thought I’d review the first summer-ish junk food I have: Freezer Pops! Hawaiian Punch Freezer Bars and Arnold Palmer Half & Half Freezer Bars!

Hawaiian Punch Freezer Bars, Arnold Palmer Half & Half Freezer Bars: The Money Shots

I love freezer pops, otter pops, frozen bars, whatever you want to call them, and have reviewed two varieties in the past. These two variations, Hawaiian Punch Freezer Bars and Arnold Palmer Half & Half Freezer Bars were also purchased at Walgreens.  $1 for a box? That’s a DEAL, son!

Arnold Palmer Half & Half Freezer Bars: He's an epic golfer so why NOT honor him with...frozen ice bras. THAT MAKES SENSE

Arnold Palmer was one of the greatest golfers of all time. I’d put him top 5, with Sam Snead, Jack Nicklaus, Tiger, Palmer, and….some guy in the future.  He has 62 PGA Tour wins.  He’s got to have SOME cash, right? Then how do you get to the point where you’re lending your image off to someone to make frozen ice bars that are sold for $1 in Walgreens?!

Arnold Palmer Half & Half Freezer Bars: Iced Tea and Lemonade and an ancient picture of Palmer. Lovely.

For the uninitiated, and Arnold Palmer is a drink made with half iced tea, and half lemonade.  Also a John Daly is an alcoholic mixed drink named after pro-golfer John Daly. It contains Arnold Palmer and adds vodka.  There’s a reason John Daly isn’t as well known…yet is still pretty well known.

Arnold Palmer Half & Half Freezer Bars: Less than 2% instant tea. MMMMMMM

Arnold Palmer Half & Half Freezer Bars: Brown and cold. Right.

Arnold Palmer Half & Half Freezer Bars: A little bit too icy.

I ripped into one, and gulped.  And then coughed – oof, this definitely had the dry dry dry ice tea flavor.  Tasting like frozen Brisk Ice Tea, this freezer pop was VERY sweet – extremely lemony (almost too much so) and it had that back of the throat ice tea bite. I.e. it had that throat-drying sensation that comes from drinking tea.

Overall the texture wasn’t good – VERY icy, not enough slushy.  These actually crunched.  I wonder if the tea affected the overall chemistry different such that the water froze TOO much. I dunno, I’m overthinking it probably. But definitely not the most successful freezer pop I’d eaten.

Hawaiian Punch Freezer Bars: Put the Hawaiian Punch guy on a snowboard - THAT makes sense.

Growing up, I used to LOVE Hawaiian Punch.  WHO DIDN’T? IT was red, uber-sweet, and tasted neutral enough not to offend anyone who didn’t love citrus or cherry taste. It makes sense to me that they’d make freezer bars out of this liquid – but four different flavors? I remember vaguely there being different “flavors” of Hawaiian Punch, but clearly I don’t remember it catching on. Would it here?

Hawaiian Punch Freezer Bars: Full of corn syrup and food dye. MMMMMM

Hawaiian Punch Freezer Bars: multicolored mayhem. Does each color ACTUALLY taste different?

Hawaiian Punch Freezer Bars: Red and slushy

I tried the Red Hawaiian Punch Freezer Bar first: REALLY GOOD.  The red one was tangy and sweet.  Definitely cherry flavored with a tinge of citrus.  Did it taste like Hawaiian Punch? Not so sure, because I think Hawaiian Punch in reality is SWEETER than this bar was.  Generally good cherry citrus taste, overall.  And the texture? GREAT: Despite being in the freezer for days, since only froze enough to have a generally solid consistency. As soome as I bite into the bar, the broken off piece would disintegrate into a slush immediately. Very pleasing to eat.

Off camera, I tried the other three flavors/colors. Verdict? SLIGHT flavor difference, but none big enough where I’d called the orange color, “Orange,” the blue color, “Berry,” and the green color, “Green Berry” (wha??). With my eyes closed, they honestly all tasted the same as the Red.  Disappointing.

Still, a good summer snack!  I’ll be partaking in these many more times.  Not so much the Arnold Palmer’s.

Thoughts? Hit me in the comments below or hit me on Twitter @junkfoodguy or on my Facebook Page.

Sincerely, Junk Food Guy