Well, well, well, Junk Food Nation.  Look who it is.  Your friendly neighborhood Junk Food Guy, back in the saddle, to try all the treats you wish you had and crack wise about pop culture and awkwardness.  And let me tell you something – I could not be more glad to be in the United States.  When I got home yesterday, I was delirious having taken hours and hours of flights. Up was down, left was right, I wasn’t sure if I was hungry, I thought a shower made me feel worse than I did – who knows.  All I know is that I collapsed into my bed, was surprised at how soft it was, and then while shifting my pillow under my head I closed my eyes and it was suddenly 8:00am this morning.  Wow.

So, did you miss me? I didn’t post regularly for about a week, and I am sorry for that. Because I missed you, Nation. How could I be mad at that face? You missed me.  I know.  It’s all good in the hood, playas.

I’ll be sucking me Ireland trip for all its worth this coming week(s) so I’m not going to regale all the stories now, but I will say this – coming back to the US, you start realizing how much bigger everything is here.  We have gigantic highways. Brighter lights. Wider streets. Brighter colors on billboards. TV looks better. Spaces are larger. Food is WAY more seasoned. The sun shines brighter.  It’s weird, it’s almost as if when you look around, everything is done, frankly, to excess.  And you know what? I LOVE IT!  IF I’m going to be alive, I WANT EVERYTHING TO EXCESS!!!! I DO A FRIGGIN JUNK FOOD BLOG, AND I’M PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN, DAMNIT!

So with that in mind, there’s no time for breaks. I thought at first, “Eh, maybe I’ll ease back into the blog like I did post-Vegas,” but no. You’ve been waiting TOO LONG for a normal blog post, and I am compelled to oblige.  Plus, it doesn’t help that when I came home, this was in my fridge:

My fridge

For those of you who can’t see well, that’s a whole lotta nuthin’. I have like six eggs, three things of yogurt, and a stack of tortillas.  I don’t even have cheese.  And then a series of bottles lining the bottom of my fridge.  Ugh.  I have nothing to eat, so why NOT eat junk food.  Today’s treat from the land of Eire: Mackie’s of Scotland Haggis and Black Pepper Potato Chips!!!!

The Money Shot

Mackie’s of Scotland Haggis and Black Pepper Potato Chips were found abroad in a place called McCormick’s, which I think is Ireland’s version of a Dean and Deluca or something.  Mackie’s of Scotland is a food company that does not ONL make chips – they do ice cream too! Which is totally random – a company that makes ice cream and potato chips, only. Wait, what am I talking about. That sounds amazing. Founded in 1986, Mackie’s is my new favorite company.

HAGGIS!

It’s obvious why I HAD to buy these Mackie’s of Scotland Haggis and Black Pepper Potato Chips, isn’t it?  HAGGIS, people!  Now, I must admit something – I’ve never HAD haggis.  So will I be equipped to tell you what this tastes like? Maybe, maybe not.  Wiki says “Haggis is a kind of savoury pudding containing sheep’s pluck (heart, liver and lungs — see offal); minced with onion, oatmeal, suet, spices, and salt, mixed with stock, and traditionally encased in the animal’s stomach and simmered for approximately three hours.”  YIKES…..but, so…meat and onion-y flavor?

Ever so gentle

Mackie’s of Scotland Haggis and Black Pepper Potato Chips claim an ever so gentle cooking process.  I have no idea why this matters.  It’s potatoes, Mackie’s.  They can’t feel anything.  And I’m pretty sure these are fried, so no gentle process is gonna make these healthier.  So confusing.

Also,”eat one and the rest disappear” is Ireland’s version of “Once you pop, you can’t stop.”

MMMM rusk

Mackie’s of Scotland Haggis and Black Pepper Potato Chips contain haggis flavoring (unhelpful to me) and are produced in a place that contains wheat, gluten…celery? Is it necessary to list celery as a problem ingredient?  Are people allergic to celery??? Celery has zero calories, is full or roughage and water and has virtually no taste.  Why is this an allergen?  But apparently…it is.

What’s the next thing Europeans are allergic to? Water?

Slightly crushed

OK, confession time.  I packed this vacuum sealed bag of Mackie’s of Scotland Haggis and Black Pepper Potato Chips in my suitcase.  And it got CRUSHED.  Which is so weird – isn’t the air in the bag supposed to keep it inflated?  Then why, when I pulled the bag out of the folds of my clothes, as it as FLAT as a pancake?  I had some bags of chips in my carry-on, and at 35000 ft they were expanded and inflated like a tight helium balloon – yet these chips got wrecked.  Unbelievable.

Black peppery

When I first opened this bag of Mackie’s of Scotland Haggis and Black Pepper Potato Chips, I smelled…black pepper. Very similar to when you open a bag of Utz salt and pepper chips.  Just a normal cracked pepper smell, with some muddled meaty smell in the background.  Time for a taste!

Haggis-y

Mackie’s of Scotland Haggis and Black Pepper Potato Chips….not bad. But I’m not really sure what I’m tasting here.

The chips – normal potato chips, not kettle fried, but crunchy and ticker cut than normal potato chips.

The pepper – definite black pepper taste, not spicy at all, but enough to give you that black pepper spiced after taste.

The haggis – see here’s where it gets tricky since I’ve never had haggis before.  But honestly, these sort of tasted like…a burnt sausage.  There’s not other way to describe it!  There is a definite starting meat flavor that resembles a pork or beef bouillon, but then there’s this weird charred burnet tate that emerges.  It’s like when you eat a burnet hotdog or sausage and the hotdog flavor is there but then never fully culminates because the burn taste takes over.  That’s what this tastes like.

Like burnt sausage chips that have been flavored with black pepper.  It’s definitely savory, but the taste isn’t the most appealing.  I don’t think I’d like an American version of “Sausage Chips (And I LOVE sausage).  And I don’t think I liked these.  Very interesting though.

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Anyways, I’m back Junk Food Nation.  Tell your friends!  Ask me questions! Because this is just Day 1 of a Ireland flavor junk food adventure – enjoy the ride!

Thoughts? Hit me in the comments below or hit me on Twitter @junkfoodguy or on my Facebook Page.

Sincerely, Junk Food Guy