Junk Food Nation, today on the way to work, I sat down on the subway with all my bags next to a nice looking older dude in a suit.  He was dozing off slightly, clearly on the way to work himself. And as I sat there, I started to notice, mainly from him, a distinct smell.  No, nothing digusting….it was BOOZE.  Like, straight up Boozehound smell.  Holy cow, Boozey McBooze-a-lot.  I slowly turned my head to look at him, to see if I’d mistaken my own senses, but no.  As he exhaled, the smell of bourbon and beer came wafting out.  I was getting a contact buzz.

He looked so normal too!  And I like alcohol, but 7:45am in the morning? Now THAT’S impressive. Way to self-medicate on the way to work, Matthew Fox.  Try not to let anyone flatline on the operating table, OK, Dr. Shephard? Of course, I guess it’s no worse than baseball players playing America’s Game while high on LSD:

“OOO, I just caught a touchdown,” indeed.  My question for the day for you, Junk Food Nation is: have YOU ever been drunk at work?  Let me know in the comments below. And then I’ll forward it to your HR rep.

Today’s junk food: Ruffles Ultimate Kickin’ Jalapeno Ranch!

Ruffles Ultimate Kickin’ Jalapeno Ranch: The Money Shot

My sister let me know about these, so I went to my local CVS and picked up a bag of Ruffles Ultimate Kickin’ Jalapeno Ranch. What’s ultimate about them? Well, the bag has a pattern of metal tracks, like how sheet metal looks – that’s pretty ultimate, no?  (zzzzzzzzzzzzz).

Is the ultimate the bigger ridges?

PepsiCo’s has a press release regarding these Ruffles Ultimate Kickin’ Jalapeno Ranch and others in the line:

“Guys live for larger-than-life moments that fuel legendary stories they share for years,” explained Tony Matta, vice president of marketing, Frito-Lay North America. “Male bonding is a rite of passage for guys, and what better way to bond than by attending one of the most exciting parties on the planet. The Ruffles Ultimate line was created to fuel epic moments. It’s in moments like these, often over a bag of chips, where recounting the tale is almost as fun as being there the first time.”

Yeah….I have no words.

Really? Dropping a Carson City reference?

I really don’t get the Carson City reference, either.  Someone help me out here.

FritoLay has these chips listed on their site along with other Ultimate Flavors. My friends over at The Impulsive Buy and the Fat Guy Food Blog have also talked about these chips, recently.

I like how they branded the jalapeno seasoning in the ingredients

I enjoy Jalapeno snacks, but they are always done so differently. Is there going to be too much onion and garlic powder flavor? Will the jalapeno be just a spice, or will it be more vegetable-y? Ruffles Ultimate Kickin’ Jalapeno Ranch, you will be judged.

These are bigger ridges, but how different than Wavy Lays?

Ruffles Ultimate Kickin’ Jalapeno Ranch does have really REALLY big ridges, but these remind me of Wavy Lays – nothing that I haven’t seen before.  I will acknowledge that the ridges are DEEPER than Wavy Lays. Still, not sure what to make of it yet.

As I crunched into one of these chips, I noticed that structurally, these WERE different than any previous ridged potato chips I’d had.  Because the ridges were so deep, I really could only fit one chip into my mouth at a given time (which is a change), and a full sized chip with these ridges was a mouthful anyways.  The texture was different too – more crunchy and coarse, less crispy.  Which was kinda cool. While they still had a good potato taste, the steep ridges required more chewing.

Decent amount of powder

But what about the actual flavor of these Ruffles Ultimate Kickin’ Jalapeno Ranch? Well, they aren’t my new favorite, but I thought they were pretty good.  The jalapeno taste was more vegetable-y than not, although these weren’t spicy at all.  Basically, I got jalapeno flavor with a minuscule kick. And then quickly the ranch flavor took over, cool and creamy – standard.

And that’s basically it.  A solid chip with decent flavor.  Overall, the reason I can’t give it higher marks is because…well, I thought the flavors would be BOLDER.  After the Doritos JACKED experiences, I figured Frito-Lay would up the ante here too.  Structurally, yes. Flavor wise…not so much.

The commenters on the Impulsive Buy site HATED this chip.  I am more in line with the Fat Guy Food Blog’s opinion: That the whole thing is more just a spicy ranch flavor than anything else.  I’d eat these again.

Thoughts? Hit me in the comments below or hit me on Twitter @junkfoodguy or on my Facebook Page.

Sincerely, Junk Food Guy