Junk Food Nation, I recently found out about a company called LifeGem. I know this isn’t necessarily new, but it was new to me.  And basically what they do is this:

“Your very own LifeGem diamond(s) can be created from the carbon in cremation ashes, a lock of hair, or both.”

HOLY EFF.  They take a loved one’s cremation ashes or hair and MAKE IT INTO A DIAMOND?  That can be made into jewelry? That can be worn on your body??? That. Is. Mega. Creepy.

I mean, am I the ONLY one creeped out by this? When a loved one dies, can they split up the body to be cremated into a SLEW of jewels to be worn as an entire SET of jewelry? Or does one body = one gem?  And where’s the quality control on this…what if for years you think you’re carrying Auntie Maude on your bracelet, when you discover there was a mix up at the diamond making lab and you’re really wearing some fat guy named Bill the whole time!  “Where’s my Auntie Maude!!??”, you’d scream. Oh I’m sorry, Maude’s being worn by some tart in Amsterdam as a nosering. Horrifying.

Also, can you imagine it being made into (yikes) an engagement ring??? “Honey, will you marry me?” “Oh, dear, yes! It’s so beautiful!” “I know. His name was Darryl.”  NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Eventually, do you collect enough life gems that you can wear them on your hand like some bizarre superhero that is empowered by the souls of your ancestors?  …..I’ve been watching too much Captain Planet, I think. Shudder.

Today’s junk food: Justin’s All-Natural Milk Chocolate Almond Bar!

My friend Nevin, who hung out with at the Fancy Food Show, hipped me to Justin’s.  Originally a Boulder, Colorado company, founder Justin Gold started packing his famous nut butter creations into jars in 2004.  You can find these Nut Butters at Whole Foods Market, Safeway, Kroger, King Soopers, SuperTarget, Jewel-Osco, REI, Natural Grocers, and Wegmans.  All over.

And then, a stroke of genius…and some years later, Justin’s started making candy bars!!!  Which leads us to today’s sampling, the Justin’s All-Natural Milk Chocolate Almond Bar.

Justin’s All-Natural Milk Chocolate Almond Bar basically looks like a Snickers.  I love Snickers.  I’m going to say that a couple more times during this blog post.  To unseat the snickers is a challenge.  Do your best, Justin’s!

I picked up this Almond Bar at the Fancy Food Show, and crammed it into my bag greedily.  Nevin told me these were LEGIT, so you can imagine how I’ve resisted just eating it and forgetting the review.  Ah, you see how I sacrifice for you, Junk Food Nation???

Ha! I love this description.

I’ve often wondered whether the printed signatures on foods and other products were real.  Is this really the guys signature? Has multiple PIN codes and technology in our society made fear of forgery non-existent?

Justin’s All-Natural Milk Chocolate Almond Bar is made from the best stuff on Earth.  Wait, that’s Snapple. Well, maybe it’s both.

PS: I may have not been looking closely before, but wonder what natural vanilla powder is?  I’ve heard of vanilla extract, but vanilla powder? Someone explain.

Snickers: 280 calories per bar.  Justin’s All-Natural Milk Chocolate Almond Bar: 280.  Still neck and neck, here.

…..Ah, eff it, lemme just eat this thing!

I bit, and my eyes rolled back. Justin’s All-Natural Milk Chocolate Almond Bar was like a Snickers but better.  Way better.  OMG so much better.  And to be fair, I LOVE Snickers bar – they were my favorite growing up.  But the way this Almond Bar tastes – well, I may have a new leader in the clubhouse.

The Milk Chocolate Justin’s uses does not have any hydrogenated oils.  This means you don’t get that weird melty goo on your fingers are you hold it.  It means the chocolate isn’t full of oil and thus worse for you than chocolate, in all it’s sugary goodness, normally is.  It tasted cocoa-y and sweet, and was very thickly coated on the outside.  There this wasn’t a thin shell of chocolate.  This was a nice casing.

The nougat in Justin’s All-Natural Milk Chocolate Almond Bar was light and fluffy – creamy and sweet.  The nougat here was easy to chew and didn’t feel like I was just eating a ton of sugar – it tasted more like a marshamallow whip than anything else, sweet and airy.  Really good.

The caramel was my favorite part, because there was a LOT OF IT.  The ratio of caramel was more than a Snickers, and I appreciated that.  A nice thick layer provided that nice burnt sugar taste we’ve all come to know and love.  It stretched and pulled as I bit into the bar.  High quality for sure.

Finally, the almonds in Justin’s All-Natural Milk Chocolate Almond Bar gave a different flavor than the peanuts in a Snickers bar.  Not better, not worse, just different.  The almond taste is richer than a peanut’s, and made the whole bar taste a little richers…it had a deeper flavor than a Snickers.  I know I’m not describing that well.  Just trust me.

Texture-wise, the whole bar just felt good – each bite was met with satisfying softness. My teeth sank into it and left those nice bite marks.  I love that.

All in all, Justin’s Almond Bar was A++++++++++. Eat these. All the time.

PURCHASED AT: Fancy Food show, but can be found at supermarkets across the nation)

COST: Free (normally retails for ~$2)

Thoughts? Please comment below (I always reply) or hit me up on Twitter @junkfoodguy or LIKE my Facebook Page and message me there. Also, you can always email me at junkfoodguy@junkfoodguy.com. Let’s hang out.

Sincerely, Junk Food Guy