Junk Food Nation, I’m sick.  I’ll get to that in a minute. First, Retro Cereal Week Day 3 is here!  Today, DAY 3, Food Junk reviews Bill & Ted’s Excellent Cereal from 1991!  That’s a 21-year old cereal, folks.  Read it here 🙂

Back to me being sick.  Blech. I hate being sick. I do plenty of things when I’m sick.  Drink tea with lemon and honey and bourbon.  Eat lots of soup. Whine for the Junk Food Gal as I take numerous naps.

One thing I also do is watch standup comedy on Comedy Central.  No famous comedian specials – if I’m just vegging out on the couch, I like watching those 30 minute sets where they might feature 2-3 comedians or maybe a half hour set from a comedic actor I recognize, like Rob Riggle.

Over the past 24 hours, I’ve seen some funny stuff on Comedy Central, but the one thing I am starting to get annoyed with is the phrase, “You can’t make this stuff up.” I saw three stand-up comedians say that in their act.  Usually it’s said following a crazy news story that they bring up and drop a load of jokes on.  “Didja hear the story about the woman who was caught driving topless who was the Mayor of Downtown Abbey?…BLAH BLAH BLAH JOKES JOKES JOKES… sigh, you can’t make this stuff up.”

And my response is usually, SURE YOU CAN.  YOU *CAN* MAKE THIS STUFF UP.  YOU ABSOLUTELY CAN.  What, am I going to fact check you after your stand up set? “Hey, he said there was a story about a janitor who was a secret Dance Dance Revolution king, BUT THERE IS NO SUCH JANITOR.” No, no I’m not going to do that.  You could make up half of your set, base it on news stories that never occurred, and I’ll still be chuckling and laughing at your sarcasm and wit. If you’re job is to make me laugh, then I’m probably going to laugh.  So stop saying that you “can’t make this stuff up,” when it’s obvious that you can and probably do.

Of course, maybe I’m just grouchy because I’m sick.  Cough.  Today’s junk food: Cheetos Masala Balls!

Cheetos Masala Balls: The Money Shot

My good friend the Geesh brought me these from India along with a treasure trove of other South Asian snacks.  But I HAD to review these Cheetos Masala Balls first.  Amazing.  Anytime I can get foreign Cheetos, I AM IN.

Is that…masala?

Masala is basically a word for a mixture of tasty spices, which…I guess is represented by the bowl of brown above?  Whatever.  The bag says Masala Balls.  Spiced Balls, people.  Spiced Balls.

He looks angry

A far cry from our cutesy and annoying Chester Cheetah, this version on the Cheetos Masala Balls bag looks douchey and angry.  Why is he wearing jeans?  He’s a friggin cheetah!  Animals wearing clothes always weirded me out.

Tangy Loops??

Cheetos Masala Balls are only one amongst Frito-Lay India’s Cheetos line, which includes Tangy Loops, Cheese Balls, and Cheez Puffs.  I wonder if their Tangy Loops are like spicy Funyuns?

I wanna know what MUFA and PUFA are

Lots of great spices inside!

Part of the reason I wanted to eat these spicy Cheetos Masala Balls is because i thought they would clear my sinuses.  I had reviewed a Masala snack already, but found it WAAAAY too overwhelming.  Maybe this would be more subtle, but still pack enough punch to help clear my foggy head.

So cute!

Cheetos Masala Balls were little tiny brown-ish balls, about the size of large gumballs.  It occurred to me that I haven’t even eaten a US-brand cheese ball in forever.  These spelled spicy right off the bat – that nice blend of onion powder, coriander, a little chili and black pepper, and a little turmeric.  Now, to taste…

Cheetos Masala Balls

WOW.  Cheetos Masala Balls were actually pretty damn good.  Unlike the previously mentioned Masala Crunch, these did NOT knock me over the head with spice… instead, the ratio of spice to corn meal was enough to balance the flavor.  Instead of just a mouthful of spice, I felt like I was eating a corn snack that was flavored just right with the blend of several spices.

Moreover, the burn didn’t leave me panting to wash my mouth out – it was savory enough to taste good, and there was a decent burn that lingered after.  I could taste onion, tumeric, and coriander right off the bat.  The other spices I suppose I could imagine were present… but mainly I tasted a nice spice and a good tangy corn flavor to round it all out.

To most South Asians, these were probably weak sauce.  But to me, I say Good work, Frito-Lay India!  A flavor profile I can taste and enjoy!

PURCHASED AT: DIRECT FROM INDIA (thanks Geesh!)

COST: free

Thoughts? Please comment below (I always reply) or hit me up on Twitter @junkfoodguy or LIKE my Facebook Page and message me there. Also, you can always email me at junkfoodguy@junkfoodguy.com. Let’s hang out.

Sincerely,

Junk Food Guy