Review: Herr’s Jalapeño Poppers Cheese Curls & PANIC ATTACK: My Signature
Junk Food Nation, don’t forget to enter my contest to win some Limited Edition Candy Corn Oreos! I know they are hard to find, and I will mail them to three of you if you win! Details here.
I wanted to mention that I recently renewed my passport, which BY THE WAY is an ordeal. With so many things being electronic these days, I was super nervous to send my old passport with my renewal application through actual snail mail. What if the envelope didn’t get there? What if a disgruntled government worker sees my envelope and throws it away? If I don’t get my new passport in time for New Year’s in Mexico, there will be hell to pay! My mind was going crazy.
I waited the six-eight weeks for my passport to be renewed, and finally got my new one in the mail. Then I had to sign the damn thing. And I don’t know about you, but I always have a minor panic attack when I have to apply my signature to something that I know is going to be permanent. When I sign my name in the grocery store checkout line, I basically scrawl a squiggly line and go. When I sign checks or sign documents at work, I rip it off without thinking about. Sure it looks like I had a seizure, but whatever. But when they ask for my signature on a permanent document like a passport or a driver’s license? I CAN’T HANDLE THE PRESSURE.
I sat there practicing my signature over and over again, trying to get my muscle memory down right. Sometimes my sig went off without a hitch, sometimes my hand decided to take a random left turn and go off the rails. WTF.
Finally, I decided to sign my passport, and halfway through I got cold feet and stopped. I locked up! The half of the signature that was already down looked perfect. Could I restart, mid sign? I took a deep breath, and tried to restart my signature where I left off, AND FOUND THAT IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE, and the rest of the signature looked horrible. Ugh, why do I DO this to myself????
Does this happen to you? Let me know in the comments below.
Today’s junk food: Herr’s Jalapeño Poppers Cheese Curls!
Herr’s Jalapeño Poppers Cheese Curls: The Money Shot
Herr’s Jalapeño Poppers Cheese Curls were brought to my attention by my friend the Geesh, who had been consuming these for a while now. I thought they were only available in small bags, but last time I was at Walmart, they were in these JUMBO size bags. So have at it, oinkers!
The reason these were brought to my attention I’ll reveal in a bit.
Goooey oozy cheese
Modeling cheese curls over Jalapeño Poppers is pretty genius – both are tubular-ish crunchy cheesy goods, so the physical shape and texture should be easy to pull off. Personally, I don’t LOVE Jalapeño Poppers…and it’s because of the taste. It’s because every time I bite into one it explodes into a fireball of hot grease and anger inside my mouth. Can someone just take a fork and vent these things before they come out of the kitchen please?????
Packs a zing, huh?
Behind the cheesy taste of these Herr’s Jalapeño Poppers Cheese Curls is a “little pinch of jalapeno pepper that packs a little zing.” Well, don’t oversell it now, Herr’s. Where’s the gusto???
TRANS FATS!
THIS IS THE REASON the Geesh told me about these Herr’s Jalapeño Poppers Cheese Curls – because it’s one of the only snacks I’ve seen that still has a noticeable amount of TRANS FATS in them! Wow. In this day and age where healthy living is on the uptick and trans fats are a no-no, I am proud of Herr’s for giving a big middle finger to my arteries and loading these curls with the business.
Love that green bell pepper powder
Where are the trans fats hidden amongst the ingredients in these Herr’s Jalapeño Poppers Cheese Curls? I’m going to guess in the “nonfat” dry milk….liars.
They kinda look like mozzarella sticks
Herr’s Jalapeño Poppers Cheese Curls smelled like a weird creamy cheese, but otherwise there was nothing miraculous about the odor.
Lightly flecked with specks of somethin’
Despite the nondescript smell, Herr’s Jalapeño Poppers Cheese Curls were SPOT ON in taste. Unlike normal cheese curls which are typically heavy in cheddar cheese flavor, the first taste I got was jalapeno – a nice vegetable-y taste of jalapeno. But with only one more chew, the spicy and strong cheese flavored EXPLODED in my mouth just like a real jalapeno popper. As I sat chewing the cheese curl, I’ll be damned if this didn’t taste like the real deal. It was spicy with a decent lingering burn, and had all the creamy cheese flavor you’d expect. Also, texturally it was appealing, since it represented the slight crunch of a popper.
REALLY good, Herr’s. You should go buy these. Now.
PURCHASED AT: Walgreens
COST: $0.99
Thoughts? Please comment below (I always reply) or hit me up on Twitter @junkfoodguy or LIKE my Facebook Page and message me there. Also, you can always email me at junkfoodguy@junkfoodguy.com. Let’s hang out.
Sincerely,
Junk Food Guy
Discuss - 15 Comments
Here’s your problem…short changing your signature to start with. How much *real* time and effort are you saving my dropping your squiggle on your pleadings rather than a proper signature? You signing hundreds of docs a day? It’s a pet peeve of mine and not just with lawyers. There was a time when your signature was a window on who you were. I know when I see a strong,legible signature I automatically have a higher view of the signer than I do when I see one that honestly you can’t tell if it’s a signature or a someone trying to test the pen to see whether or not the ink is flowing. Sorry, can’t hep you with this one, bro’!
@Neil: Argh, I actually agree with you. My problem is when I sign pleadings I use e-signature – so I never get the practice! But you are totally right. Blah.
We will validate and sign your review of Herr’s Jalapeno Poppers Cheese Curls. They are pretty frickin tasty cheese curls!
Our take here: http://chipreview.wordpress.com/2012/07/13/chip-review-of-the-day-52/
@ChipReview: NICE!
I’ve mostly given up on a truly legible signature, but enough of it is legible that you can compare it to a written name and go ‘yeah, that must be right’, then I just try to reproduce that most of the time (except of course on those little electronic sign-y things at places like CVS where you basically just scrawl !~~~*~ ~%[~~“~ and hope for the best – not matter how neat your penmanship is, that’s how it’s going to look), no sense having a 4th grade perfect script signature on my license if I never sign that way. True story, we were at the bank a couple of months ago and the loan officer told us that a couple of kids (12 or 13 or so) came in to open bank accounts with their mom and they literally could NOT sign their name – kids are no longer being taught script/cursive! They just had to print their names. So don’t worry about it, we’re going back to big sloppy X’s, anyway.
I tried Herr’s buffalo blue cheese curls and they were also totally spot on. The cheese had that blue cheese zing and after a couple you could really feel the buffalo heat – it actually made me only eat a portion size at a time. Ocean State Job Lot is one place I find all kinds of these full size bags of Herr’s stuff, I had a bag of their bacon cheddar curls in my basket last weekend but put them back in favor of Popcorn Indiana cinnamon sugar kettle corn, which I couldn’t resist.
@Dana: HA – kinda of sad really. Printing their names??? Yeah, that’s secure.
I’ve never had problems with signing permanent documents. I just have the mindset that other people have crappy signatures, so what do I care if mine doesn’t look perfect?
As for the product, the trans fats are more than likely from the oil they’re cooked in. Partially hydrogenated oil = trans fats.
@Nick: Too true – I get more paranoid just because I think I DO know what my signature looks like, and I don’t want temporary insanity to lock in some random scribble for the rest of my passport’s life
Fireballs of hot grease and anger – ha ha ha! Better that than the oily balls of fat and shame they become when they cool off…
@Teresapalooza: Cold jalapeno poppers are awful, concur
The trans fat is in the partially hydrogenated soybean oil. When you see “partially hydrogenated” you know there’s some trans fat in it. The FDA actually allows food manufacturers to list any trans fat content below 0.5 as containing “0g,” so chances are you’re encountering it far more than you think. 0.5 is unusually high for products these days though, although I’ve noticed that super cheap-o cookies like Valutime’s brand actually have a full gram of the stuff listed on the label.
@Sean: No you’re totally right re the “less than 0.5g” deal. I think I saw another Herr’s chip that had 1.5 g trans fats – yikes! Even if it IS just in the partially hydrogenated oils…I don’t want that much PHO either!
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I love these jalopeno poppers chips but I can’t seem to find them anywhere! I live in Enid, Oklahoma and am disappointed that I can’t find these anywhere. Please send me some!
Herr jalapeno cheese Twisters, best on market, not available everywhere, Paulette Meyers, 509 n light St, Columbia NC 27925, would like coupons, or any free samples of your products