Junk Food Nation, have you ever just wanted to stop time?  I’m not talking about in some cool, adventure way, like you see in the movies.  I don’t want to stop time to go rob a bank, or go be a perv in a women’s locker room  or to travel from one point to the other seemingly instantaneously like a magician.  No, I’m thinking of it in a rather lame and uncool way…I want to stop time just to catch up in life.

I am SWAMPED here at work, and I often find myself wishing I could freeze time, type up all these TPS reports, and then resume time so I can feel caught up in life.  In college, I always wished I could stop time to take a nap wherever I was – class, a final exam, during a boring seminar.  Now? I just want extra hours in the day.  I find myself thinking “Wait, am I SUPPOSED to work until 10pm every day? Is this what this job entails?”

Stop time to do all the dishes and not have it take away from TV time. Stop time to wash and fold all the laundry I need and not have it take EIGHT HOURS.  Even better – if you could stop time, slow cooking would be FAST COOKING.  Or something clever like that.

Has this ever happened to you? Or am I just having a sad sad day?

While you contemplate that, today’s junk food is another Asian/Korean gem I picked up at the store: Cosmos Chocolate Corn!

Cosmos Chocolate Corn: The Money Shot

Ok, stop. STOP WHAT YOU’RE THINKING.  Because I am thinking it too, and it’s not right.  First let’s set the record straight – (1) this Cosmos Chocolate Corn does NOT appear to be by the same company that makes a very popular Cosmos Caramel Corn, here in the US.  This is clearly a foreign company that has made this product.

Oh!  Er…..

(2) Yes, Cosmos Chocolate Corn DOES appear, from all impressions, to be some sort of chocolate-flavored Cheetos in a bag.  I have no idea what this writing says.  Perhaps some of my Korean friends can clear it up for me.

Oh….oh no….

(3) YES, Cosmos Chocolate Corn does, IN FACT, look like dog poop.  Good lord. DOG POOP.  This is a bag of fossilized dog poo.

SNACK!

Cosmos Chocolate Corn is truly freaking me out.  I cannot find ANYTHING on Google regarding this snack, and it doesn’t help that this sticker label with the nutritional value on it looks like it was hastily attached to the bag.  Noooo.

MY GOD

Sigh….ok, I wanted to believe that these Cosmos Chocolate Corns DIDN’T look like the picture on the bag, but they do.  They really really do.  I’m guessing the design staff missed the boat on whether this would be audience appealing.  Still, the bag smelled pleasantly like cocoa.  Let me put one in my mouth before I lose my nerve.

Cosmos Chocolate Corn

Ok, I’ll say this – this does not taste like dog poo.  Honestly, what this tastes like is a semi-crunchy version of a no-bake cookie.  It was a Cheetos-consistency, which was weird, but essentially it’s a corn puff – like Corn Pops or the like.  And then as I chewed the styrofoam-like corn puff, the flavors of chocolate and coconut were very strong, and sweet. Pretty basic, actually. If it wasn’t for the aesthetic, these might be pretty good.  You could sell that at Whole Foods are “Air Popped Chocolate Coconut Corn Wafers” and they’d sell like hot cakes.

Unfortunately, these Cosmos Chocolate Corns DO look like this, and it’s frightening.  I won’t be buying these again, not because of the taste, but because of…well, you know.

PURCHASED AT: Lotte Korean Grocery Store

COST: does it really matter?

Thoughts? Please comment below (I always reply) or hit me up on Twitter @junkfoodguy or LIKE my Facebook Page and message me there. Also, you can always email me at junkfoodguy@junkfoodguy.com. Let’s hang out.

Sincerely,

Junk Food Guy