Junk Food Nation, Happy Day after Columbus Day!  And let’s talk about my living nightmare – apparently in the city of Bakersfield, some jokesters are running around at night carrying weapons…DRESSED AS CLOWNS.

Oh yes, you watched that correctly.  Even the still-frame for the video above is freaking me the F out.  If you’re one of these people dressed as a clown carrying a machete at night, KNOCK IT OFF.  Look, I have enough anxiety with my job and trying to decide which Doritos to eat next; I do NOT need a clown with no eyes walking slowly down Main Street carrying a pistol.  It’s all fun and games until I give you a swift kick to the nuts…while shrieking like a little girl.

And that is why these two videos are some of my favorite:

Yes. Just sayin’, Bakersfield clowns. I’ll have no hesitation taking a crowbar to your knees, dropping that crowbar, and then running flailing away at 100 MPH.  Hopefully not leaving too big a trail of pee behind me.

What do you think of the Bakersfield story? Not cool, right?  Or maybe you’re into it? Tell me in the comments below.

Today’s junk food: Trader Joe’s Cookies & Creme Cookie Butter!

Trader Joe’s Cookies & Creme Cookie Butter: The Money Shot

OMG YES. Trader Joe’s Cookies & Creme Cookie Butter is in my clutches.  With other cookie butters like Biscoff and Trader Joe’s speculoos cookie butter gaining widespread popularity, it was only a matter of time before this came along.  Of course, the question is – would this be good or overly sweet?  I mean, the first thing you think when you look at this is “crushed Oreos” but I didn’t want it to be a jar of what essentially could be Duncan Hines frosting, you know?

Trader Joe’s Cookies & Creme Cookie Butter: SPOON INTO MOUTH

Trader Joe’s Cookies & Creme Cookie Butter hypes the fact that it could be eaten on anything.  Pancakes, waffles, toast, pretzels, ice cream?  I have to honest, I don’t really know what to do with this stuff EXCEPT to cram it right into my mouth with a spoon.  That’s how I eat Biscoff spread.  Sure I’m sure it tastes great on toast…but I never get that far.

Trader Joe’s Cookies & Creme Cookie Butter: 210 cal per serving

Trader Joe’s Cookies & Creme Cookie Butter: Oreo spread?

When I opened this jar of Trader Joe’s Cookies & Creme Cookie Butter, I immediately smelled…well, Oreos.  It did not smell SUPER chocolaty, but instead had that more dark, non-sweet Oreo smell.  I grabbed a spoon to dig in…

Trader Joe’s Cookies & Creme Cookie Butter: THICK texture

…holy hell, this Trader Joe’s Cookies & Creme Cookie Butter was THICK.  This DEFINITELY was not frosting-like, and I dare say it was thicker than I remember regular cookie butter being.  It reminded me a lot of the same tug and pull that peanut butter does – when I tipped the spoon vertical, it clung to the spoon with no drip back down into the jar.

Trader Joe’s Cookies & Creme Cookie Butter: Smooth with…

Placing the spoonful of Trader Joe’s Cookies & Creme Cookie Butter into my mouth, I immediately went WHOA and rushed to have the Junk Food Gal try a bite.  This stuff was pure GOLD. The basic description is that it, indeed, tasted like a jar full of crushed Oreos.  And I mean that in the best possible way – like a good cookie butter, this spoonful had a great texture.  Smooth enough that I could see myself spreading it on toast while sturdy enough to hold up on its own.

The flavor was not cloying or overtly sweet – the white parts of the cookie butter were not just pure creme.  I almost think the dark vs. white coloring was just for aesthetic – overall, the sweetness was perfectly balanced and the whole thing tasted just like a regular Oreo.  The flavor was not milk chocolaty – rather, it tasted a lot like the dark cookie of an Oreo: semi-sweet, with almost a burnt cocoa flavor.  Add on top of that a sweetness that helped highlight and enhance that Oreo-cookie flavor, and you have pure perfection.  This stuff was DANGEROUSLY good. Oreo cookie butter.  Holy cow.

Trader Joe’s Cookies & Creme Cookie Butter: …little bits of cookie!

Additionally, this Trader Joe’s Cookies & Creme Cookie Butter had TINY TINY bits of Oreo-like cookie throughout, so the smooth texture was punctuated with little crunchy bits. This made eating it straight out of the jar even more enjoyable – the variety in texture meant I wasn’t just eating a spoonful of tasty goo. It was, instead, a semi-crunchy spoonful of tasty goo.

Go to Trader Joe’s. Buy this. Now.  I promise you’ll like it.

PURCHASED AT: Trader Joe’s, Bethesda, MD

COST: $3.69.

Thoughts? Please comment below or hit me up on Twitter @junkfoodguy or LIKE my Facebook Page and message me there. I also have Google+!! Let’s hang out.

Sincerely,

Junk Food Guy