Well, hello, Junk Food Nation. You’re either here as a normal consumer of this blog, or you’re here because Google brought you here. Welcome. Sit. Here, have a beer. And a donut. Oh yeah, you like donuts, don’t you. Yes, yes you do.

Before we get into the Red Velvet Oreo review, I have a question for you, Nation – do you ever throw things out of your car window? And follow up question – are you a maniac? I bring this up because I was reading Deadspin the other day, and saw this letter as part of Drew Magary’s Funbag:

Eric: I live in L.A. and have a decent commute. Along the way, I like to enjoy a banana. Typically, I’ll throw the peel in a planted median full of bushes.

For the second time now, I’ve been beeped at for littering. I feel like I’m taking crazy pills. Am I destroying the fragile L.A. ecosystem with my biodegradable banana peels?

I should also note that I consider myself an environmentalist.

Note: That is NOT ME that wrote that letter, despite the name.

Anyways, Magary poked fun at the dude, joking that the peel could lead to a world disaster, but MY first reaction was WTF DUDE UR AN A$$HOLE. You throw empty banana peels out of your car window on the highway???? Am I the ONLY one that finds this CRAZY?

Look, I get that this dude feels like throwing the banana peels into bushes is “helping” the Earth, but as someone who ACTUALLY UNDERSTANDS THE SCENE OF COMPOSTING, you can’t just throw that sh*t wherever you feel like, jerk! This ain’t Narnia, where you throw an empty peach pit, and all of a sudden a luscious tree will spring up. That banana peel draws bugs, bears, etc.

I guess throwing a banana peel out of the car is better than the alternative. I dated a girl once who often spit gum out the window. I have cigarette flicking friends, and I once knew a guy who would routinely throw empty fast food wrappers out the window…yeah, I’m not friends with that guy anymore. But still – I dunno, I find throwing anything out of the car window SUPER OFF PUTTING.

So am I crazy, Junk Food Nation? Tell me in the comments below. And while you’re at it, if YOU routinely throw something out of the car window, what? I’m curious to know where the line is drawn for you. YOU MONSTER.

Today’s junk food: LIMITED EDITION RED VELVET OREOS!!

A couple days ago, reports of these Limited Edition Red Velvet Oreos getting passed around early ahead of their February 2 release started popping up. What the – HOW DID I NOT HAVE THESE IN MY HANDS ALREADY?? I shook down my Oreo-dealer, who let me know they were coming to me via mail.  And yesterday, the package arrived…

GREAT ODIN’S BEARD. Wrapped in red tissue paper, the presentation of these Limited Edition Red Velvet Oreos was spot on. Like I was unwrapping some sexy lingerie. Except less silk and lace, more high fructose corn syrup and enriched flour. YOU’RE TREMBLING, RED VELVET OREOS. DON’T WORRY, YOU’RE SAFE HERE.

Back in October, images were released of these Limited Edition Red Velvet Oreos, and the internet semi-exploded. We discussed them over on the Nosh Show. And now, here they were, in my hands…

…AND YOU BROUGHT A FRIEND. How nice, Red Velvet Oreos. We’ll make you both comfortable.

Limited Edition Red Velvet Oreos! Here they are, in full glory. Now, as I mentioned on the McIntyre in the Morning Show on KABC Radio yesterday (47:13 mark!), the reason this cookie is so exciting is because it marks the first time Oreo has actually changed the COOKIE, not just the flavor of the creme.

The problem with some of the other Oreo flavors has been that, well, you’re trying to jam this weird flavor into a Golden or Chocolate Oreo, while the flavor might not pair JUST RIGHT.  While I loved the Gingerbread Oreos, and find them pretty flawless – imagine if the cookie was ALSO gingerbread cookie? EXPAND YOUR MIND. Anyways, these Limited Edition Red Velvet Oreos have done just that – Red Velvet Cookie with Cream Cheese Frosting Creme. If this is done right, what else could be coming in the future?

Limited Edition Red Velvet Oreos are 70 calories each…

…and contain a whole bunch of stuff commonly found in Oreos. A friend of mine loves Oreos because they are vegan…but are these Limited Edition Red Velvet Oreos vegan? I don’t know what I’m looking for in this ingredient list. They certainly LOOK vegan – I don’t see any actual cream cheese anywhere.

So yeah, vegan. Let’s go with that until someone complains.

The Junk Food Gal is my in-house expert on Red Velvet, so I had HER take the first sniff of these Limited Edition Red Velvet Oreos. Opening the package, she sniffed and let out an approving MMMM. I smelled them myself; they did, indeed, smell distinctly red velvet-y. It wasn’t just the cocoa smell – they smelled a little more chocolaty than regular Oreos – it was more that my nose picked up a distinct sour (in a good way) tang of the cream cheese creme.  The aroma didn’t POUR out of the package like it did with Birthday Cake Oreos, but these REALLY smelled like Red Velvet.

Limited Edition Red Velvet Oreos are tinted reddish, although to be fair, my lighting might’ve been punched up the red more than usual. Even in poor lighting, however, there’s no mistaking the reddish hue of these cookies.

I twisted open one of these Limited Edition Red Velvet Oreos; the creme inside looked pretty standard. Those are just red crumbs pulled off of the cookie – this wasn’t a speckled creme. I sniffed the creme – smelled slightly tangy, like I previously mentioned.

Once one of these Limited Edition Red Velvet Oreos was disassembled, I tasted the cookie first. It was light and crispy – fresh Oreos usually are, I didn’t notice anything in its texture that was truly different than regular Oreos. The flavor of the cookie was cocoa and definitely a bit sweeter than regular Chocolate Oreos. In regular Oreos, the chocolate cookie is usually a little bitter (in a good way) so that the creme can pull off that sugary contrast. Here, the cookie was a little sweeter (it still wasn’t super sweet), and indeed mimicked Red Velvet cake. It had a calm cocoa flavor and it tasted like crunchy cake. So, thumbs up on that.

The creme? DEFINITELY mimicked the cream cheese frosting commonly found on red velvet cake. Sweet, frosting-like, and had that distinct tang of cream cheese on the back end of the flavor. You know, that’s really all anyone needs to do to get the flavor right on ANY red velvet product – just get that cream cheese tang right. These got it right. VERY sweet.

Eaten together? YES. YES YES YES. These Limited Edition Red Velvet Oreos tasted like a 99% spot on version of Red Velvet cake in cookie form. The combo of cream cheese creme and the red velvet cookie was pretty perfect – the flavor scientists got this one RIGHT. Good balance between the cake flavor and the creme flavor. Like real red velvet cake, the round cocoa flavored was highlighted by the zing of the creme. That remaining 1% I withheld only because *I* associate a soft lush texture with red velvet cake, and these were obviously crunchy. Still, that doesn’t make these any less than 100% NOM NOM.

When these come out on February 2, GET THEM. LOVE THEM. WINE AND DINE THEM. You’ll be thankful.

EDIT/UPDATE 10:02am: OH YEAH. And the Junk Food Gal, unable to speak from chewing, gave these two thumbs up as well!

PURCHASED AT: Hitting shelves NATIONWIDE on February 2. That’s in eleven (11) days, people.

COST: Sent to me, but I’m sure they’ll be anywhere from $3 – $4 a pack.

Thoughts? Please comment below or hit me up on Twitter @junkfoodguy or LIKE my Facebook Page and message me there. I also have Google+!! Let’s hang out.

Sincerely,

Junk Food Guy