Review: Doritos Jalapeno Pepper Jack JACKED 3D, The Nosh Show Ep. 48: Double Down Dog, Award Shows? NOPE.
Junk Food Nation, it’s an especially dreary Monday here in DC, but that’s ok – I’m here to fill your morning coffee sipping routine with talks of salty and sweet snacks. By the way, I totally missed the Grammys last night. I know I claim to up on pop culture (note: nothing make you sound more out-of-touch with pop culture than saying “I’m up on pop culture!”), but the Grammys weren’t even on my radar last night.
Here’s the thing – I wasn’t making some grand statement like, “AWARD SHOWS ARE FOR SUCKERS.” I understand that, while somewhat contrived, award shows are a chance for these individual industries to celebrate what has happened over the year. I’m not that much of a curmudgeon – being recognized for one’s work besides financial compensation is an easy concept to process. I dig it.
But I still didn’t watch the Grammys. Maybe it’s because I’ve seen SO many award shows in my lifetime – MTV VMAs, Oscars, etc. – that they’ve stopped being appointment-television for me. And it’s funny – award shows like the Grammys and Tonys, for example, SHOULD be the ones that I actually watch, since they’re mainly just loaded with performances. As much as the Oscars are a big deal, 30-second clips of movies don’t do it for me. That’s why the trotted out Adele Dazeem last year – they gotta add SOME entertainment to the event.
As a TV viewer of an award show, the question for me is usually, “Well, what am *I* getting out of it?” With beauty pageants, I get to see a pretty woman in an evening gown attempt to twirl a baton while singing “Don’t Stop Believin’,” all the while hearing the Junk Food Gal mutter, “Pffft – those teeth are so fake.” With the Grammys, CMAs, AMAs, Billboard Awards, etc., I get to watch some live/tape-delayed/lip-synched music. The Tonys? Neil Patrick Harris monologue. Golden Globes? Tina Fey/Amy Poehler monologue. I’m not sure what I “get” out the Oscars or Emmys, except the chance to lazily comment, “Oh, I saw that. Yeah, it was good. You should watch it.”
So yeah – Missed the Grammys. What about YOU, Junk Food Nation? Did you watch the Grammys? See the Kanye West bit? And what’s your take on award shows in general? Tell me in the comments below. Meanwhile…
EPISODE 48 OF THE NOSH SHOW IS HERE!
For the uninitiated, The Nosh Show is a podcast started by Marvo from The Impulsive Buy, featuring Ryan from GrubGrade, Dubba from On Second Scoop, and, of course, me, your friendly neighborhood Junk Food Guy. And today marks the release of The Nosh Show, Episode 48: Double Down Dog:
This week, we “share their opinions about Red Velvet Oreo Cookies….discuss S’mores Oreo Cookies, new frozen treats from Haagen-Dazs and Dreyer’s/Edy’s, the KFC Double Down Dog, and the Taco Bell Quesalupa.” You can listen embedded here:
You can subscribe to The Nosh Show using various services: iTunes, Stitcher, TuneIn, RSS, or, you can also download the episode.
TODAY’S JUNK FOOD: Doritos Jalapeno Pepper Jack JACKED 3D!!
Doritos Jalapeno Pepper Jack JACKED 3D: The Money Shot
You know, JFNation, we ARE already 1.5 months into 2015. I was wondering when Doritos would do something new…and here, we have it. Carrying on with their JACKED line of products, Doritos now has combined it with a product from the early 2000’s, the 3Ds, to create: Doritos Jalapeno Pepper Jack JACKED 3D.
For those who don’t remember the Doritos 3Ds, check them out here:
Essentially, they were triangular puffed hollow corn snacks – imagine a thinner-texture Bugles, but more Triangular and sealed at the ends. Those were the 3Ds. Some people, like me, really enjoyed them. Plus, they had Ali Landry pimping the product:
Ay Chi Wa Wa, indeed. Anyways, these snacks went the way of the Dodo Bird, and fans have been clamoring for their return for a while. (Sidenote: They did still pop up in Mexico in their Queso 3Ds, review here).
Doritos has now brought back the 3Ds (sort of) with these Doritos Jalapeno Pepper Jack JACKED 3D. Regarding the JACKED line of products – I’m not a huge fan. I’ve reviewed all of the JACKED flavors, and honestly, most of them have been duds. And you out there in JFNation have agreed – chips don’t fit comfortably in mouth. Powder almost caked on in unappetizing fashion. Flavor profile out of balance. JACKED is an attempt to go BOLD, but many of you haven’t been thrilled, including me.
Still, when I saw these Doritos Jalapeno Pepper Jack JACKED 3D, I was intrigued. These weren’t puffed triangles; instead they looked like crunchy corn versions of something Indiana Jones was looking for. What are these, hieroglyphics? Do I mount this on the top of a stick and go to the map room to find out where to get JACKED? Are these some ancient currency, used to buy things from an Mayan vending machine?
Doritos Jalapeno Pepper Jack JACKED 3D contain jalapeno pepper powder, cheddar cheese and jack cheese. And swiss? Calm down, Doritos.
When I opened this bad of Doritos Jalapeno Pepper Jack JACKED 3D, the first smell I got was Cool Ranch. I swear. Maybe a TINY bit of jalapeno heat, but mainly that tangy buttermilk aroma from Cool Ranch Doritos came wafting out, unmistakeable. Each piece was about the size of a quarter, and maybe a quarter inch thick. The thicker corn shape reminded me more of a Fritos corn snack rather than a Dorito.
I crunched a bunch of these Doritos Jalapeno Pepper Jack JACKED 3D and………..MEH. That’s right, MEH. Sorry, guys. This isn’t going to be a glowing review.
Let me start out by saying, these didn’t taste bad. While I had a unpleasant reaction to the Hot Wings JACKED chips, I didn’t have that with these. The main problem with these 3Ds was that the corn flavor of the chip itself really outbalanced any powder flavor. And while I enjoy a nice tortilla chip corn-flavor crunch, if you’re gonna claim to be JACKED, DO IT.
The flavor of the chip itself WAS of Cool Ranch – there was a slight buttermilk creaminess to the whole thing, with the added flavor of a vegetable-y jalapeno. There was a moderate burn to the chip, but nothing that got me worked up. And that was it. I didn’t taste any overwhelming cheese flavor (I know jack cheese is mild), and I wanted just more creaminess in general. MORE CREAMINESS PLEASE.
Instead, the corn chip flavor, after the first few chews, fought its way to the front like Kanye and refused to let go of the mic. For the first time with these JACKED chips, I wanted MORE boldness. MORE flavor. These didn’t quite live up to the name. The same amount of powder on a normal Dorito might’ve worked – heck, I enjoyed the limited return of Jumpin’ Jack Doritos immensely – but on these chips, it wasn’t enough.
Sorry Doritos. Nacho cheese will always be my favorite.
PURCHASED AT: Walmart, Germantown, MD
COST: $2.88
Thoughts? Please comment below or hit me up on Twitter @junkfoodguy or LIKE my Facebook Page and message me there. I also have Google+!! Let’s hang out.
Sincerely,
Junk Food Guy
Discuss - 20 Comments
If it makes you feel any better, I had to work and miss the Grammy’s and probably wouldn’t have watched it anyway.
On that note, it does seem like Dorito’s could get by without jumping on the “let’s create random new products to spark interest” train.
@Jessica – it’s time for Doritos to get into the sweet game. CINNAMON DORITOS WHERE ARE YOU
@junkfoodguy I’m betting both cinnamon and Mexican Chocolate would work well into their “line” but other than Oreos, most of these new spin-off products don’t seem to be any better than the original. Give me my Nacho Cheese Doritos any day.
I watched the shows on Fox. I have zero use for awards shows. I’m noticing a disturbing trend in jalapeno jack snacks that it tastes way more like green peppers than anything spicy or cheesy. I’m starting to think Monterey Jack doesn’t belong in snacks. It’s just too mild.
@MP: re jack cheese, I agree
I may be a loser but doesn’t it seem like there is a freaking award show every weekend with these fools celebrating themselves?
Before we know it, there will be an award show for “Best Award Show” and “Best Red Carpet”.
Mr Negative I am today but Doritos, stick to what you do best – those hand coating triangles that made you who you are. (hope they don’t respond with a Jim Dolan type letter)
@MarcP: +1 re Dolan comment
Yeah, I’m with you – when it comes to Oreos, I tend to be in full support while most still just want to stick to the original. But when it comes to Doritos, I’ve been down on a lot of their new experiments. Just…NO.
Saw pictures of Madonna…the Capital was missing a pop star last night. Panam needs her back.
Glad you reviewed these…otherwise I probably would have picked up a bag out of nostalgic curiosity.
@Dana: LOL re Panam. +++++1
East coast got to see it live while us in here in CA saw it on a 3 hour delay. I don’t really care since I don’t watch award shows anyway, but people here weren’t happy.
These 3D’s remind me of a similar shaped cheese flavored corn chip thing from when I was a kid. They looked almost like the character/seasonal shapes macaroni dusted with cheese. I haven’t seen/had them in like 15 yrs so I can’t remember their name but they were awful.
@JohnnyP: 3 hour delay??? That’s brutal.
Hey JFGuy don’t cave in and say nacho cheese are your favorite. There are still some of us holding out hope for Wild White Cheddar’s return!! 😉
@Brit: DOH! Such a good point!
Theres another flavor of Doritos Jacked 3D (Bacon cheddar ranch) and it will come in June or July this year
@Anon: Thanks for the tip!
Scrap the jacked and give me back my 3D Doritos!! I’ve been craving jalapeño cheddar 3d Doritos for umm I don’t know 13 yrs.. So when I saw this I got excited.. It gave me a mere reminder of what I’m missing, but it’s something about those airy originals that gave the line a distinct taste.. Give me back my 3D Doritos!
@Lights out lisa: I KNOW. I feel the same way. These were a let down
This Doritos variety finally showed up in my neighborhood. I gave em a tryout. JFG pegs it pretty accurately: these are insignificant, unmemorable chips. They serve the snacking need if there’s nothing else available. Otherwise, not at all spectacular. Really, anything jalapeno is pretty tame these days. They should have made these habanero-jarlsberg if they wanted to really do something.
And the whole 3d thing: why? It adds what, exactly? Is Frito-lay trying to cache in –by association–on the nitwit 3d movie trend? Just make anything 3d, is that it? To be fair, I can’t really blame them if this is their actual ploy. Movie-goers who in fact attend 3-D movies are probably so brain-shriveled that yeah, if you slap a ‘3D’ logo on anything there’s probably a good chance those saps would just buy it outright. Dingbats.
As for awards shows: they’re for another type of peculiar American zombie. Me, I wouldn’t even RECOGNIZE ‘Kanye West’ if he bumped into me on the street. I have no idea what he even looks like, and I’m sure I have never heard a single one of his BS songs. Thank God. To me, he’s just another phony media darling, just another dumb cluck. A similar bozo who fits this category: ‘Eminem’. Why would I pay any attention to such an obvious retard? Show me someone who can actually play a musical instrument–instead of simply wearing crazy outfits or using copycat beats–show me an actual innovator–and then I might spare them a half-second.
Anyway, Doritos scored null on this brand. I chomped a bag away but they immediately left my consciousness as soon as the bag was crumpled and tossed away. Nothing majorly wrong with them…just not JACKED.
p.s. The JACKED LINE OF DORITOS RULES! Not being able to fit one in your mouth, how is this a demerit? Shove the thing in and masticate away. With the awesome added THICKNESS comes bigger length x width dimensions, so what?
JACKED JACKED JACKED! Super-Saiyyan Doritos in every way shape and form.
@C: I agree – for all the quirks JACKED had, the 3Ds are NOT an improvement
Lo and behold, Doritos Jacked 3D Bacon & Cheddar variety just turned up near me. Tried ’em. Definitely more appealing than the Jalapeno style. These are not great but certainly bad; they have adequate bacon flavor and really that’s all it needs to put this silly-looking chip out in front with some much-needed savoriness. Can’t argue against bacon. The 3D crunch-texture is not that good, but they are cheesy enough. I would chomp them the way I might any other ‘bland’ tier of chip like a Munchos or a Fritos.
My earlier surmise about whether the Doritos chip design team perhaps allowed the Doritos marketing team too enjoy ‘too much say’ in the launch of this line of chips, is (amusingly to me) borne out by the new specialty-graphics on the outside of this bag, to wit: “A 3-D MOVIE in every bite”. Uh, what? R-i-i-i-ight. Who is this intended to fool? Some kind of particularly obtuse or slow-witted toddler?
Yeah. Uh-huh. Watching a movie is ..indistinguishable from popping a corn chip in my mouth. Because they display the same kind of mind-bending technology, I can barely tell these experiences apart so …let me buy more of these chips! Snacking on Frito-Lay products is ..theater!
Its irritating to contemplate a chip which never had a genuine reason for being conceived on its own; like the original Dorito did.