Alrighty, JFNation, for those following the scorecard so far, it’s been two late nights in Cancun already. When your friendly neighborhood JFG woke up on Day 3, my honest first thought was “…Oh my god….I can’t believe I still have two days here!” That’s right folks. All I could do was smile. Plus, two more pals were showing up that day, The Jedi and DiPietro, bringing our merry band of brethren to eight.

I got up to assess the damage…wallet? Check. Phone? Check. Room key? Always a dicey one, but Check. Clothing?  Uh….

Yeah, so that navy blue tank top, having been doused in several forms of liquor (I blame the Burg and his “inaccurate” pouring skills) smelled like a distillery. My shredded wrist bands from the prior two nights lay strewn on the floor. The room was spinning ever so slightly. It was clearly time to head to the Club Lounge and get some grub.

BTW, one thing I learned about myself during this trip: I am NOT good at using sunblock. Holy hell. This morning I looked over at my shoulders, and they were red. Like, I know in the picture below, my shoulders don’t look THAT red…BUT THEY FELT LIKE THEY WERE ON FIRE. Dude. The world’s largest carcinogen is NO JOKE. Use that sunblock, son. Someone pass me some aloe.

At this point, I’d fallen into a bit of ritual at the Live Aqua…wake up early because my body won’t let me sleep, head to the Club Lounge as my roommate snoozed, sip some Nescafe, pop some warm treats into my gullet, and do some blog stuff while blaring sports radio into my ears. It was perfect. It was peaceful. And honestly, it was kind of nice to catch up with news and sports in this manner. Normally, in DC, I am constantly plugged into 24-hour ESPN and MLB updates. Twitter blares off the hook in my pocket. While my stay at the Live Aqua wasn’t a COMPLETE unplug, it gave me a chance to focus on simpler pleasures – like a nice cup of coffee. And several shots of tequila.

The Aqua Club Lounge was a perfect place to regroup each morning, and also had some great tunes playing all the time. One song came on that I really dug, and I went to the private desk to ask the lovely woman there to replay it again so I could Shazam it. Turns out it was this song:

I dunno – I really dug the beat as I sunk into my soft chair, sipping my coffee, ignoring my sunburns. It really was paradise. I liked the song so much that I fired up my laptop after the song was over, donned my cans, and played it on YouTube into my brain a few more times.

(As an aside I love my Audio-Technica headphones – the ATH-M50x are one of the best pairs of professional studio headphones out there. FREE PLUG, AUDIO-TECHNICA! I’ll be expecting my royalty check soon.)

Across from the Live Aqua were some VERY high end shops – Tag Heuer, Cartier, etc. I met one woman who told me she visited Cancun often, and when I asked why, she loudly exclaimed, “SHOPPING!!!” Whoa there, lady. Lower the volume. I came here to drink tequila and not listen to people shriek, and I’m all of tequ* oh there’s more? OK, then. Fill ‘er up.

The above photo, BTW, was the view from the hallway on the way to the elevator. Day 3 weather – perfect as usual.

With a free day ahead of us, The Burg, The Hube, Mr.O and PPP wanted to go surfing, and I wasn’t about to miss this. Just trying to FIND surfboards was an adventure – we took cabs and buses up and down the Cancun coast, seeking out a guy named “George,” who apparently had the surfboard hook-up. We finally tracked down George at the beach near the Live Aqua. It was surreal – we walked down to the lifeguard stand and awkwardly asked, “Ah….is George here?” And then this random dude popped out of NOWHERE and gleefully declared, “HEY! I’m George! You guys wanna surf???”

YES WE DO, GEORGE. YES WE DO, YOU CRAZY MF-ER.

The sun was HOT that day, my friends. Like everything else in Cancun, prices for surfing lessons were negotiable.

George: “Ok, it’s $30 a person for an hour of instruction.”

The Burg: “Nah, these boards are horrible, they’re too narrow to learn on.”

George: “No, these boards are perfect, you’ll get great balance on these.”

The Burg: “Nah, these are short boards. You don’t have any long boards? These guys aren’t gonna be able to stand up.”

George: “Ok, $20 a person.”

And that’s how it’s done.

Quick side surfing story – as the Hube, a beginner surfer, was practicing turning his board around and popping up, a bald guy in his 50’s appeared out of nowhere, grabbing the Hube’s legs and back, helping guide him on the board. When the Hube reacted with something like Who TF are you? Why are you grabbing my board, bro? The dude replied,

“Gustavo. I’m with George.”

Dude, George, you gotta warn us about this sh*t.

Hey look, my red shoulders/back!  I tried to slather some more sunblock on there, but the damage was done. It’s ok, I’ve only been peeling off skin IN REAMS. Gross. Sorry for the overshare.

Walking back up to the Live Aqua from the beach, I turned back to look at where we came from. God, what a view. Plus, that Infinity Pool to the right of the picture? The perfect place the drink cerveza after cerveza …the Live Aqua would even have waiters solicit orders poolside while you were bobbing in the water.

One couple got fake-mad because my group ended up drinking all the beers that were brought by the waiter that were meant for them. Then we all burst out laughing and ordered like sixteen more FREE BEERS to be delivered. #AllInclusiveProblems

By this time, DiPietro had arrived, and lunch that day was at the Live Aqua’s Azur Restaurant. An open air resturant near the pool, it ALSO had just legit, delicious eats. The menu was plentiful – burritos, sandwiches, tacos, with great appetizers to boot. The above was the barbacoa burrito, which looks simple enough, but was moist, tender, and delicious.Crap, I’m getting hungry right now just thinking about it again.

And their tuna tartar? SUPERB. This picture is of my tuna tartar, already partially destroyed, but it had the perfect blend of tuna, couscous, green onion, soy, tahini/sesame (?) – whatever it was, it was GOOD. I crushed it with the several baskets of tortilla chips on the table. It was a perfect way to recharge.

Oh the fried fish head? Yeah I dunno. Someone put that on my plate as a goof. But whatever that head was previously attached to WAS DELICIOUS AS WELL, I’m can guarantee it.

So let’s recap. The Sea Corner – awesome. Siete – bountiful. Varenna – superb. Azur – delicious. The poolside grills and cooking stations – kickass. The Pool Club – dangerous. What else, Live Aqua? WHAT ELSE COULD YOU POSSIBLY DO TO MAKE ME HAPPY??

Oh right…EGOS BAR. When we weren’t floating in water, stuffing our faces at the dining establishments, or out partying, we were sipping drinks at the Egos Bar. Located RIGHT NEXT to the lobby, Egos was our homebase to meet up each night before going out. There, I tried my share of Añejo tequilas. We’d grab our drinks, and head out to the patio where these pretty cool ying/yang chairs were.

The one downside of Egos Bar – at one point we were kicked out of the bar because apparently there was a private event going on. And who kicked us out? JOHN FOX. Of football coaching fame. My only celeb sighting of the weekend, and he was kicking me out of my own paradise! It’s ok. PPP made nice with him later on in the weekend, but I can tell you, when I was first booted, I wanted to scream, “WHATEVER COACH. HAVE FUN WITH JAY CUTLER.”  Grumble. We later learned that he had brought his entire coaching staff down there for a quick vacay in the offseason, which is cool. I know my current job ain’t bringing me to Cancun anytime soon.

After some decathlon pool events, the Jedi had arrived, and we all gathered that evening for a big group dinner at MB, the Live Aqua’s premier dining establishment. I’m gonna do a full review of the meal tomorrow, so I’ll fast forward in time for now.

After the large dinner, the Elite 8 of us rolled out to the downtown area once again, but returned to the Live Aqua relatively early (1:30am-ish?) exhausted. The Burg, Mr.O, The Jedi, and I hung on the patio smoking cigars and chatting with some other guests as two random dudes played techno music on their phones.  The Hube, Ceddy, and PPP were inside, cooling their feet on the couches in the lobby. We were all famished, so your JFG made an executive decision.

“Hello, Room Service? Yeah, we’re starving – can I place an order? It’s not too late? Oh ok…yeah, can I get six cheeseburgers with bacon? Can I a chicken quesadilla? Three orders of guacamole with chips? Can I get a steak panini sandwich? Yeah? Oh yeah, and three pepperoni pizzas.

“Where do I want that delivered? Uh…can you just bring it to the lobby?”

BOOM. This is what happens when you have completely free 24-hour room service and nothing but friends to share it with at 2:30am. The dude who brought it to us was so nice, too. He just chuckled as we laid the plates out on one of the lobby coffee tables. And let me tell ya – those burgers were LEGIT.

Let’s fast forward to the morning of Day 4. On this day, my body finally allowed me to sleep…until 9:30am. I woke up refreshed, and rather than head to the lounge for my normal coffee and quiet, the dudes were up, so I walked to Siete for some breakfast buffet action. This was one of the most epic breakfast buffets I’d ever seen:

They had mini churros with a selection of dulces, caramels, chocolate sauces, jams…

It had tons of fresh fruit, yogurts, rice puddings, fruit salads…

It had an IMPRESSIVE mountain of donuts, pan dulces, and other pastries…

…the pan dulces station was so good, IT DESERVES ANOTHER ANGLE…

…it had hot plates full of my FAVORITE: chilaquiles, as well as pre-made tacos, empanadas, and mini chimichangas (that was the down note I found in this buffet – the mini pre-made tacos were a little dry. THAT WAS IT. So you’re essentially batting .997, Live Aqua. Good work.)

They had tons of French Toasts (another favorite of mine) which you could dress up with syrup or…

…an assortment of just EFFING DELICIOUS sauces and fixin’s. French Toast with Nutella, Lechera, and topped with some granola? YOU’VE NEVER FELT NIRVANA LIKE THIS, JFNATION.

Plus, Siete had an excellent omelet station, where you could douse your egg concoction with any number of salsa (my go-to was a mixed of the Chipotle Chili Dip, which was abusrdly good, and the Three Chili Sauce, which was DEFINITELY hot. WOOO.)

Of course, they HAD to have a chocolate fountain, which, by the way, had no pieces of fruit or cake nearby like I’m used to, but only FULL SIZE CHOCOLATE CHIP MUFFINS. Whoever invented this breakfast buffet, I want to embrace you.

I’ll only show you the first of several plates I had that day – three donuts, a mug of coffee, and some of that champagne that was left in my room. That’s one way to get your motor runnin’…or to put you right back to sleep in a food coma.

Some of the dudes still had war wounds from surfing the previous day. “Holy S” I exclaimed, “When did THAT happen??”

“Dude, you didn’t see the GoPro mount attachment they left on the front of one of those boards? It gouged the sh*t out of me. That’s so dangerous…George was trying to kill me”

“And what happened to you?”

“I dunno…hit a rock or something.”

You know what will make those holes in your body feel better? A chocolate chip muffin dipped in boiling hot chocolate sauce. Here, I’ll show you where to get one.

Tomorrow: my review of MB restaurant at the Live Aqua.

Thoughts? Please comment below or hit me up on Twitter @junkfoodguy or LIKE my Facebook Page and message me there. I also have Google+!! Let’s hang out.

Sincerely,

Junk Food Guy