JFG Nation, I will admit I am a fairweather soccer fan. I am one of those people who doesn’t watch Champions League or Premier League, doesn’t watch MLS, doesn’t watch La Liga, and most of the time misses international friendlies that are broadcast on ESPN the Ocho, but whenever World Cups or Olympics come around, I am ALL IN. So what? Don’t judge me! MOST OF YOU ARE THE SAME SUCKS TO YOUR ASSMAR

Obviously, when teams representing countries play each other in soccer, the national pride begins to swell and, to me, these games are must watch TV. Like so many Americans last night, I watched our amazing US Women’s National Team take back the World Cup after 16 years and avenge their 2011 loss to Japan with a 5-2 asskicking over the Land of the Rising Sun. Between the JFGal screaming at the TV, me wondering who the heck Kate Abdo is, and the constant stream of snacks I was putting into my body, it’s no wonder that the night was a sickening blur…in the best possible way.

I remember hearing an interview with Abby Wambach after the 2011 loss, and she said something to the effect that things were lined up in 2011 – sports leagues, endorsements, late show appearances. When they lost, everything disappeared. DISAPPEARED. Women’s professional soccer, in its like 4th or 5th iteration, still exists in the US, but I, like many others, knew that it could have been EVEN BIGGER had 2011 gone the US’s way. Do you know that the average salary for professional women’s soccer players RIGHT NOW is $6000-30,000 dollars??? Dude, I earned more as a clerk right out of law school, AND I DIDN’T KNOW HOW TO DO ANYTHING.

Now? There’s no way Carli Lloyd doesn’t get three-five more endorsements. You’re gonna see this team on Kimmel, Fallon, Ellen. Hell, if UnderArmour was smart, they’d give contracts to everyone on the team. And I for one, think its GREAT. IT’S GREAT. I don’t care if you don’t like soccer, the World Cup, or women for that matter – I DO. AND THE US WOMEN’S TEAM WINNING IS SO GREAT. And I’ll tell you why: Because some day, when I have a daughter, I want her to have even more heroes to aspire to be like. I’ll take Megan Rapinoe over Kim Kardashian every day of the week. FACE.

Anyways, thats my soapbox. Did anyone else watch it? Let me know in the comments below.

Today’s junk food: Oreo Thins!!

Oreo sent me the above box. It was a beautiful box. When I flipped open the lid, on the inside was this:

Oreo Thins??? But who doesn’t love big fat Oreos? Who doesn’t love DOUBLE STUFF Oreos? Oreo, you made THREE LAYER Oreos in an attempt to fatten us up, and now you’re pulling this??? WHAT GIVES?

Oreo Thins are a thinner, crispier take on the classic. “[T]ry Thins with…even a glass of wine.” AND NOW YOU WANT ME TO DRINK MORE OREO?? EVIL!!!!

I opened up the box, and there were three flavors of Oreo Thins to try: Original, Golden, and Mint! Here’s the official spiel; everything you need to know:

“We’re excited to announce that this July, OREO is launching OREO Thins, a light, crisp and delicate cookie that delivers on the OREO taste you already know and love. With a nod to cues we see in culture and technology, OREO Thins (7.5mm thick) put a sleek and modern spin on the classic base cookie (12.5mm thick).

“OREO Thins will be a permanent, ongoing offering, available nationwide beginning Monday, July 13 in the Original, Golden and Mint flavors at an SRP of $4.59. With a completely different look, feel and format to compliment the same flavor we know and love, OREO Thins pair well with an afternoon latte, cup of tea or other “me time” moment for a more grown-up treat.”

“…your readers/viewers can also receive an advanced taste before the cookies hit shelves, starting July 7. On the 7th, OREO will distribute a one-time-only “Thinvitation” to its fans via @Oreo on social media (will clarify specific platforms with you soon) and fans who post using #oreothins will be #thinvited to access a unique code that can be used to enter for a chance to get a free taste of OREO Thins.”

Did you catch that last part, JFG Nation? Tweet with hashtag #oreothins and you could win a free taste! Of course, by the time they mail it to you, you’ll prob be able to find them on the shelves, so….

OOOOOOO Oreo Thins – pretty packaging!

Also, Oreo wanted me to mention that these are NOT diet cookies, nor are they being marketed as a “health” cookie. SO SORRY HEALTHY PEOPLE. More spiel: “OREO Thins are for anyone looking for that classic OREO taste but in a format that delivers a more grown-up snacking experience thanks to their thin, crisp and delicate taste and texture.”

Considering that normal Oreos are about 70 calories each, these Oreo Thins are basically half the thickness and also essentially half the calories per cookie. But none of that matters when you eat 18 of them in a row.

I opened up these Oreo Thins and….ooooooo, lots of breakage. Uh, ok. Well, I guess when the cookies are super thin, you ARE gonna lose some structural integrity. Let’s zoom in:

The Original variety of Oreo Thins looked like an earthquake hit them. Popping one into my mouth, I really enjoyed it, however! Super thin, these were indeed a delicate version of Oreo – same great cookies n creme flavor, just with a little more of a “cookie chip” feel. And, despite everything being essentially half size (the layer of creme and the cookie thickness), these were sort of …less sweet. Which I liked.

Golden Oreo Thins also had lots of broken pieces, but most held up ok. The JFGal LOVED these – Golden Oreos, I feel, are usually sweeter than regular Oreos because the Golden cookie is sweet unlike the darker cookie which can come off as a little bitter. In the thin form, everything seemed to balance just right – less cookie sweetness, less creme, which led to a more balanced cookie overall. SERIOUSLY munchable.

Mint Oreo Thins survived the best, structurally. They were also pretty tasty – their mint flavor was still pretty bold. Of the three cookies, these probably tasted the most like their thicker counterparts. In fact, the mint flavor was almost stronger with these, with less cookie getting in the way. Pretty tasty.

Oreo Thins were so thin, that you couldn’t even see the creme from the side unless you were FLUSH with the cookie itself.

I stacked three quarters….the Oreo Thins were just a LITTLE thicker than the stack. These were really thin – cookie chip is a good comparison, but they weren’t SUPER crispy like other cookie chips I’ve eaten. These were just more crispy by virtue of the thinness itself.

These Oreo Thins still had a decent amount of creme, I swear! These weren’t all cookie. One thing: Harder to twist on of the cookie layers off (as you can see, I basically shattered the mint one when I tried to unscrew it). But I wanted you all to see the creme coverage was still generous.

I placed two creme halves of these Oreo Thins together – it was normal Oreo creme thickness!

This was my attempt at innovation – one half Golden Oreo Thin, one half Mint Oreo Thin half. Meh – it was fine. Never let me experiment with cookies, ever again.

My overall take: I was pretty skeptical at first, but I have to admit I really enjoyed these Oreo Thins! Nothing new flavor-wise, but the thinner form made these ever more munchable than I ever imagined. Seriously – I chomp on Oreos, but honestly, unless I’m being a TOTAL pig, I slow down after three or four because they are kind of bulky/crunchy. With these? They are so thin and crispy I could mow through rows and rows of these, EASY. There’s a reason I can eat potato chips non-stop for an hour straight…the thin crisps get chewed up and slide down my gullet like there’s barely any food in my mouth. And these cookies now have a similar feel! These are DANGEROUS, Oreo. You’ve managed to make Oreos even easier for me to eat too many of.

And I love you for it.

PURCHASED AT: Available everywhere July 13!

COST:I guess we’ll see.

Thoughts? Please comment below or hit me up on Twitter @junkfoodguy or LIKE my Facebook Page and message me there. I also have Google+!! Let’s hang out.

Sincerely,

Junk Food Guy