Review (x4): TastyKake Blueberry Mini Donuts, Orange Mini Donuts, Key Lime Kandy Kakes, Orange Creme Kandy Kakes (Summer Edition) & Things I Think About On The Subway Every Morning
JFG Nation, here’s what I see every morning on the way to work, and here’s what I’m thinking:
SEE: Guy leaning on pole in the subway car.
THINK: “Hey, MF-er, that pole is for everyone. Sir. SIR. THAT POLE IS FOR EVERYONE ew and now you’ve sweated all over it. Why are you leaning anyways? You aren’t James Dean. Far from it with your Timbuktu shoulder bag and Beats headphones. GIMME SOME OF THAT POLE.”
SEE: In a tight situation, Guy leans his forehead against one of the Plexiglas door windows or side Plexiglas wall.
THINK: “Dude. DUDE. That plastic wall is like a petri dish!! You see how it’s sort of dirty and cloudy? That ain’t a design, that is DIRT FROM SMELLY TOURISTS. Seriously, tighten those neck muscles up and remove your sweaty forehead from the glass! No? Okkkkkk, I hope you remember to take some antibiotics later.”
SEE: As train is moving, Guy ducks and dodges people walking up the aisle between two ends of the car.
THINK: “Let’s all calm down – I know you’re trying to save time by advancing forward in the train car while the subway is moving so that you can exit onto the platform closer to the exit, but this ain’t the Snowpiercer, ok? Empty train car? Fine, have at it. But this is rush hour and you’re limbo-ing under people’s arms and sidestepping around an already crowded aisle like you’re running the Tough Mudder. KNOCK IT OFF. Why should I have to press my crotch against someone’s shoulder because YOU need to get by? Just hang out by YOUR end of the car and exit like a normal human.”
SEE: Guy sitting down who closes eyes as the train approaches a station, pretending to be asleep so he doesn’t have to give up his seat.
THINK: “You JUST closed your eyes! I SAW YOU. Stop pretending to be in REM sleep and give up your seat to the pregnant lady, you ass. No one is buying that you’re just SNOOZING through the train pulling up- to the station, the loud ass people getting on and off the train, and the announcer screaming over the microphone. You’re still asleep, huh? You must be soooooooooooooooooooooo tired.”
Anyways, a few thoughts from just this morning. Do you see ridiculous behavior on the train and think awful snarky things like me? Let me know in the comments below.
Today’s junk food is all of TastyKake’s Summer Edition goodies: Blueberry Mini Donuts, Orange Mini Donuts, Key Lime KandyKakes, and Orange Creme KandyKakes!
TastyKake Summer Edition: The Money Shot
TastyKake sent me these treats, and there was a whooooole lot of them. Rather than review them separately, like I have in the past, let’s just bang all of them out at once, shall we?
TastyKake Blueberry Mini Donuts basically tasted as you’d imagine – sort of like a blueberry muffin, without the actual blueberries. Despite the oddly deep purple color, the donuts themselves had a moderate sort of artificial blueberry taste. And that’s not a bad thing – they tasted a lot like those tiny packs of blueberry mini muffins we’ve all had, covered in powdered sugar. The only difference – there was none of that sharp blueberry tang that you sometimes get in pockets of a blueberry muffin. But the rest of the dough of a blueberry muffin? This had that flavor. Unsurprisingly, because of that comparison, I was able to mow through a whole bunch of these. Not bad, not bad. I would eat these again.
TastyKake Orange Mini Donuts were my favorite of the bunch of snacks sent to me. Like the blueberry version, the dough was artificially flavored orange, but here the effect came off differently. These donuts IMMEDIATELY reminded me of orange poundcake which I feel like I’ve eaten a lot of in my life. You know, those circular upside down cakes with a whole in the center, sometimes covered in glaze? They have a unique orange flavor, and these donuts captured that. Now, whether you LIKE that flavor is one thing. I enjoy it, and really like these! I mowed through more of these than the Blueberry version. Thumbs up on these Orange Mini Donuts.
TastyKake Key Lime Kandy Kakes? I have to be honest – I didn’t like these. I LOVE key lime products, and what I’m looking for is TARTNESS. Key Limes are TART and their flavor is immediately recognizable. This did not taste like key lime. Like the Strawberry Kandy Kakes, the problem here was the outside icing – TOO THICK, and it killed any other flavor of the pastry within. This had some lime flavor, was really sugary, and wasn’t too dry – but it just didn’t taste like Key Lime! Big letdown for me here. Sorry, TK.
TastyKake Orange Creme Kandy Kakes were SORT of better than the Key Lime ones. I didn’t hate these, but I was only so-so on these. The flavor profile of the orange was waaaaay better than the Key Lime ones – I could taste what was meant to be orange creme. The orange-y cake tasted good. But the problem – the thick outer coating of confection was SUPER waxy and sugary and overwhelmed the orange flavor! The balance was off, basically – the mix of orange and the outer coating should’ve combined perfectly to give an orange creme flavor, but it didn’t. It was CLOSE, but you could tell the ratios were off. MORE ORANGE in these, TK, and you’d have a winner. SO CLOSE.
Verdict? The Summer Edition Mini Donuts are a go. The Summer Edition of Kandy Kakes have some issues. All in all, I am still very grateful to TastyKake for letting me try their goods. Have a good Monday, JFG Nation!
PURCHASED AT: Sent to me
COST: not sure, but I’ve seen them being sold for $3.00-$4.00 at my local grocery
Thoughts? Please comment below or hit me up on Twitter @junkfoodguy or LIKE my Facebook Page and message me there. I also have Google+!! Let’s hang out.
Sincerely,
Junk Food Guy
Discuss - 5 Comments
You should consider doing a couple shots before you get on that train….you are going to give yourself a stress heart attack! I though Snowpiercer was a surprisingly good movie!
@Sarah – oh yeah, Snowpiercer was great 🙂 That ending – WTF
Oh, goodness gracious. Hate to pull rank, but honestly no–these train woes are small potatoes. This is Aunt Myrtle and Aunt Gertrude stuff. I’m reluctant to seize street cred but these kind of minor annoyances bedeviling JFG are already long since understood, borne, and accepted by New York commuters, and is definitely surpassed by the stuff we have to endure.
Not to mention DC has a modern train system, with tons of law-abiding, government-fearing, I-don’t-want-to-make-trouble civil servants as its primary ridership. Its got fancy cars, ergonomic design, and all sorts of safety, security, and convenience amenities we can’t even begin to yearn for. Unless I’m mistaken–DC stations–even have fans and ventilation in summertime right? My god!!! Talk about soft!
Anyway, up here we’re all weaned on issues of pole-hogging, strategic positioning, etc. An acquaintance of mine–who at the time was a visibly pregnant woman carrying twins–once had to sit down on the floor of a train car because no one would give up their seat. That’s hardcore New York, bubba.
Know what else happens up here? Well, you might find yourself sitting next to a guy carrying a bag of live snakes. Platforms drenched with showers of run-off during rainstorms. Or, live wires. Fistfights; crazy people, spazzing out unexpectedly at any moment.
Someone next to you, might be letting their pet rats run all around under their clothes. You’ll see strange, ‘bigfoot’ type creatures roaming around in our system (giant barefooted hulks, wearing rags, covered in matted hair, and only able to grunt). In the summer, our train platforms are actual ovens. You can’t use a train to get to any destination without arriving there completely bathed in your own sweat.
Safety: I think in a typical three month period we have 12 actual deaths. Suicides, or train accidents, or people dropping their smartphones on the tracks and thinking they can blithely just scarper down there to retrieve it and get back up again.
Another anecdote: on our train system, there’s not only guys who openly masturbate but there’s one guy who goes around scaring women by doing contortionist tricks at them from just a couple feet away. He’ll sit staring at you and then slowly jam his whole fist into his mouth and halfway down his throat, without so much as a blink, staring right at you with his forearm dangling out of his mouth.
The coloring of these cakes are alarming
@Sarah: yeah no kidding, LOL