JFG Nation, let’s talk about couples and relationships. No, that’s too general. Let’s talk about things that couples in relationships do that make you give the raised eyebrow. You know what I’m talking about. For example, intense PDA: People sucking face in the grocery line like they’re trying to clean their partners skin with their tongue, or basically humping on a subway car. Save it for ChatRoulette, people.

But here are some things I’ve seen as recently as the PAST WEEK that made me go, “Dude, you guys need to chill out”:

1) Sitting on the same side of a booth at a restaurant. We’ve all seen this, and who knows? Maybe I’ve done this myself once. But I obviously realized the error of my ways, because I’ve NEVER done it again. When you’re with your significant other, WHY would you want to sit on the same side of a booth unless you wanted a little hand action under the table? Other than that, it is extremely weird to me: you have to turn to the side to have a conversation, you have to make the other person move in case you need to use the restroom, and you put the waiter in an awkward situation where he comes to the table and is frankly startled to see both people dining on the same side.

I saw this Monday. The waiter came walking up to the center of the table, realized that both people were on one side, and shimmied back a couple steps to properly talk to the couple. Do you have a breakfast nook at home, and you’re just Pavlovian-trained to sit on the same side? I asked a friend couple once about this, and they said, “I dunno – we just like being near each other.” Guys, I promise the chasm from across the table is able to be conquered. Your arms can reach out to hold hands. It’ll be ok, weirdos.

2) Walking down the sidewalk with hands in each other’s back pockets. This is seen primarily with teenagers, and another version is just a couple holding each other around the waist so hard that even when they confront someone walking toward them, they both turn sideways like a door to let them by. They don’t let go. NEVER LET GO. I CANNOT BE APART FROM YOU FOR A NANOSECOND. I’ve seen couples walk into stores, restaurants, etc. pressed against each other, shuffling through the doors sideways without ever losing body contact like conjoined twins.

Now, if the people I saw WERE conjoined twins, then I apologize. But for the people refusing to break their vanguard as I’m trying to enter the post office. MOVE IT. I promise that when you break contact your spouse will not disappear into the night like a myth. HE WAS DEAD THE WHOLE TIME. Either move, or at least turn COMPLETELY to the side to let people by.

3) Finally, my recent favorite: people sharing earbuds. I was riding the subway to work when I observed a couple ENTER the subway car with one iPhone, one pair of ear buds, one bud plugged into the dude’s ear, one dude plugged into the woman’s ear. They moved in concert, and sat down together, still plugged into the same audio device. Wow, they must REALLY love NPR. You guys are so linked, one can’t listen to the recent episode of Serial before the other person lest there be SPOILER ALERTS?

It was so bizarre, watching this couple sit with a split headphone set between them. First of all, HOW is that an enjoyable experience?? I don’t work hard every day to listen to things in friggin Mono. STEREO ALL THE TIME FOR ME. Second, just download whatever you’re listening to your device and listen to it separately. The woman was texting on her own iPhone while the audio played from the dude’s phone. What the heck? BUY SOME EARBUDS, LADY.

What do YOU think, JFG Nation? Am I totally off base here? And if YOU happen to be one of those couples that do any of the above, EXPLAIN YOURSELF. The comment board below is waiting.

Today’s junk food: New Swiss in a Biskit Crackers!

Oh baby. I first saw these over on Twitter when @KingRhino clued me in. Now, I’ve reviewed Chicken in a Biskit Crackers on this blog before. They are some of my FAVORITE crackers. Hell, just talking about them now, I’m gonna grab a box this weekend and CRUSH THEM. God, I drool when thinking about Chicken in a Biskit Crackers. Yum Yum.

But now the same company has SWISS in a Biskit Crackers??? I mean, as a self proclaimed addict of Cheez-Its, how could I NOT try these cheese crackers? I had to. I don’t even love Swiss Cheese that much, but these were going into my belly, pronto.

Apparently these existed a while ago, and now they’re BACK. Well, they are new to me! Let’s eat!

(PS: The above picture was my best attempt at color fixing on Photoshop. It got a little out of hand.)

New Swiss in a Biskit Crackers contain Swiss Cheese Powder! Nice. Happy to see that this “Swiss” flavor isn’t comprised of a four cheese blend of cheddar, parm, etc. etc. JUST GIMME THE SWISS.

As an aside, turns out that these crackers may have already existed in Canada, according to @JunkFoodDog. What the hell, Nabisco? You holding out on me?

New Swiss in a Biskit Crackers are fun looking! They flat construction with holes etched or cut out of the light yellow/white rectangular shape. I LOVE IT! FUN FACTOR!

When I opened the box and sniffed, I smelled Swiss cheese. Well, sort of – I definitely got a cheesy doughy smell with a slight tang that reminded me of Swiss. It was a promising start. I grabbed a whole bunch and munched, to get the full effect…

These New Swiss in a Biskit Crackers were GOOD. Now, I have to admit – it’s been a while since I ate Swiss Cheese Cheez-Its, but these crackers NAILED the Swiss Cheese flavor. The cheesy taste was immediate as soon as I chewed the cracker, and was bright like a Swiss. The key was, however, that as the cracker chew end, the flavor turned up that slightly tangy highway like a Swiss Cheese does. No other way to describe it – these crackers had that mild bright flavor of Swiss. Plain and simple.

But the entire experience was definitely helped by the actual texture of these crackers. They were pretty buttery, almost like a TownHouse crackers. They weren’t flaky like a Cheez-It, but that was ok. The soft slightly crispy texture of the cracker dough matched the mild flavor of the cheese perfectly.

I knew these were good, because even the JFGal ate some, and then started to describe them to me without prompting. She NEVER does that. After about 45 seconds of gushing, it became apparent to ME that Nabisco had a hit on their hands, as long as you’re one who likes Swiss Cheese.

So, if you are – go buy these. Now. I’m going to buy a couple more boxes of these and some Chicken in a Biskit Crackers this weekend and just put myself into a carb coma. Let’s do this.

PURCHASED AT: Walmart, Germantown, MD

COST: $1.98

Thoughts? Please comment below or hit me up on Twitter @junkfoodguy or LIKE my Facebook Page and message me there. I also have Google+!! Let’s hang out.

Sincerely,

Junk Food Guy