Ah, football, JFG Nation. Tomorrow is Wildcard Weekend, which not as good as Divisional Weekend, but it’s still a delicious meal. It’s not the tasting menu at your favorite 3-star Michelin, but it’s a solid four course meal from you local anniversary joint. Or, at least, it’s supposed to be. Let’s look at the menu, shall we?

4:30, Saturday – Oakland @ Houston (-3.5): UGH GROSS. Why would they start the meal off with this?? I was physically NEAR Oakland watching that Week 16 Raiders game where Derek Carr broke his ankle/leg/dreams, and I could FEEL the wind getting sucked out from that city. Connor Cook? Who thinks a rookie can win this playoff game on the road; raise your hands? And it’s shame too, because Houston stinks. Their defense has been decent despite J.J. Watt’s off year, but man – who else wants to high five because we were all correct about what was going to happen to Brock Osweiler? He’s a horrible QB making a ton of cash, he’s turned a stud at WR named Nuk Hopkins into just a guy running around with no catches, and his own fans cheered when he was benched. But he HAS to start for the Texans on Saturday because Tom Savage, who I thought was one of the characters in Mortal Kombat, is out with a concussion. So now what? I have to pick this game?? Why don’t we pick OAKLAND TO COVER just for giggles. Because while I think the Texans MIGHT win, IT’S GONNA BE A STRUGGLE.

8:15, Saturday – Detroit @ Seattle (-8.0): Hope this second course is better so I can get rid of the taste of that first c* OH WHAT IS THIS. Ok, it’s a LITTLE better, but has anyone watched Seattle this year? Sure, Russell Wilson has these games where he tosses three TDs to Doug Baldwin, but his line has NOT protected him like in year’s past. Less passing TDs, less rushing yards, THERE’S A REASON RUSSELL. Plus, can the real Thomas Rawls please stand up? Are you a good player or not. And who the hell is Alex Williams? Meanwhile, on the other side of the ball, I REALLY thought Detroit would be different because they were going no huddle. Marvin Jones Jr. looked like the next coming of Julio Jones…until he didn’t and was awful. Now they have Zach Zenner carrying the ball, and they have to travel to Seattle, where there’s a greater than 50% chance of rain. I dunno – way too easy to give the Seahawks the points here. DETROIT COVERS, Seattle wins, and everyone goes home with soggy socks. NEXT!

1:00, Sunday – Miami @ Pittsburgh (-10.0): Finally, some red meat I can enj*DUDE WHY. WHY IS THE THIRD COURSE FISH WHEN I ORDERED STEAK. Fun fact – the Dolphins beat the Steelers 30-15 during their regular season matchup where Jay Ajayi rushed for over 200 yards! Another fun fact – excluding the last game of the season where no one cares, the Steelers won six straight and kept running backs to under 60 yards in each game. So, I think the Steelers line got better? Healthier? Whatever the case, their game plan will be to neutralize Ajayi. After that, try to draw Ndamokung Suh offsides a bunch. Have Antonio Brown crunk in the end zone. Lev Bell, you go run and do things. I don’t expect this one to be close – STEELERS COVER and pummel the Fins. Ok, I’ll toss Miami some shine – Jarvis Landry can catch. There ya go.

4:30, Sunday – New York @ Green Bay (-4.5): Dessert course? Here’s the weather report in Green Bay on Sunday – no rain or snow and 15 degrees. Wait, what? Is that 15 degrees Celsius? NOPE. 15 Fahrenheit. 15. 15! That’s 17 below freezing, people! I wanted ice cream, not liquid nitrogen poured into my mouth! Those Giants WRs are going from Miami to Wisconsin and are gonna have some stone hands. But Eli. ELI! He’s a magician, right? A very slow and confused looking magician. But he’s not the x-factor on this year’s Giants team – it’s the very VERY expensive defense. Can Eli Apple, Janoris Jenkins, Olivier Vernon, DRC, Landon Collins, and others – can they basically take away all of Rodgers’ targets? Aaron Rodgers had another statistically masterful season, but it did take him a while to get it going. Jared Cook wasn’t quite the revelation they were hoping for, but Jordy and Davante Adams were good. But their running game was gross (Ty Montgomery?) and the GB D is puke-worthy. You know what? NEW YORK COVERS and wins – but barely. Rashad Jennings and Paul Perkins better learn how to rush for actual yards. This’ll be the only road win of the weekend. Mark it.

Alright, sound off with your picks and explanations below, JFG Nation. Enjoy the games! Or don’t, because CONNOR COOK VS BROCK OSWEILER? ARE YOU KIDDING ME, NFL???

Today’s junk food: Limited Edition Chocolate Strawberry Oreo!!

Limited Edition Chocolate Strawberry Oreos were discussed on the Nosh Show weeks ago and I was a definite MEH. I love chocolate covered strawberries. Give me a chocolate fountain and a bunch of fruit I can skewer and coat and It can’t get much better.  Would these stand up to my mental expectation?

My fear is this: ever since the Filled Cupcake Oreos came out, I know Oreo has been chomping at the bit to use this tech again. So they mixed and matched a bunch of flavors – vanilla/chocolate. Strawberry/chocolate. And then they went backwards to name it. What I mean is im not sure Oreo set out to make a chocolate covered strawberry flavor – I think they made it and then thought, “what can we call this?”

I mean, what flavors can they do next? Chocolate creme ring, mint center makes Thin Mint Oreos. How about Golden Oreo, lemon ring, lime center = Sprite Oreos. The possibilities are endless!

Limited Edition Chocolate Strawberry Oreos smelled like artificial strawberry when I opened the package, which is not necessarily a bad thing. I’m so used to the strawberry smell I get from strawberry ice cream, strawberry frosting, strawberry shortcake. Inhaling deeply I got a bit of the traditional Oreo cookie smell, but mostly I got that strawberry cake aroma.

This is what the inside of a Limited Edition Chocolate Strawberry Oreo looks like. The chocolate creme wasn’t the Brownie Batter Oreo version, it was definitely more of the traditional chocolate creme – a little sweeter, less fudge-y.

Biting into one of theseLimited Edition Chocolate Strawberry Oreos, the strawberry flavor dominated. Despite the chocolate cookie, it reminded me a lot of Strawberry Pocky, an Asian snack cookie. The strawberry flavor took over every bite and chew while the base cookie gave some general carb-iness. Like the aroma, it wasn’t until the swallow that any true chocolate notes came out.

I love the Berry Oreos, so I didn’t hate these – in fact, they were very easy to eat. Did they approximate the flavor of a chocolate covered strawberry? No. Was this mind blowing, especially since Berry Oreos exist? Nope. Will they offend you? Only if you don’t like fake strawberry flavor.

Buy them if you want, and I think the majority of people will enjoy these – but don’t feel bad if you miss them.

PURCHASED AT: Giant Food, Germantown, MD

FOUND AT: Individual cardboard standup in back of the store, hiding from the world, facing TOWARD the wall. WTF, Giant?

COST: $3.00

Sincerely,

The JFG