Junk Food Nation, today’s opinion is about cheaters (as semi-suggested by Caroline) in two major sports: Baseball and Scrabble.  That’s right, Scrabble. Over the past four days, two events rocked the gaming community: Melky Cabrera, the All-Star MVP and Leader in the NL Batting Race, was found to have used Performance Enhancing Drugs and was subsequently suspended for 50 games, and one of the top young Scrabble players in the country was ejected from a tournament when he was found to be palming blank tiles. Seriously.

However, in each case, the story doesn’t stop there; thus, my opinion of the day: If you’re going to cheat, don’t be a moron.  I am of course not endorsing cheating in any arena, but if you’re going to TRY to cheat, at least use your brain.

Case in Point, #1: Melky Cabrera.  In the Melk Man’s case, it came out that this positive test happened back during the All-Star Break, and the only reason it took so long to hit the media was because of the lengthy appeals process.  During that time, Melky did something amazing: he created a fake product website, complete with product info and ordering information, to fool investigators into thinking the site’s company had spiked the drug with testosterone, unbeknownst to him.

Melky.  Seriously?? We live in a world where Google Maps can see you sunbathing in Maui. Where I can lose my phone and call Apple and they’ll find it for me.  Where with enough know how, I can not only find out where all my assets lie, but also where all my neighbors assets lie.  You think the FBI isn’t going to be able to go to GoDaddy.com and see that WWW.NOT-PEDS.COM is registered to a M. Cabrera at AT*T Park?  In what world does a 28-y.o. baseball player think he’s Neo, tapping into the Matrix?

Melky: Do not try and find the steroids. That’s impossible. Instead… only try to realize the truth.
FBI: What truth?
Melky: Uhhhh…LOOK OVER THERE!  <Melky runs away with laptop>

Case in Point, #2: Scrabble Kid.  The thing I can’t understand with the Scrabble cheater is this; what he did was take two blank tiles from the board before they were put in the bag and pocketed them for use in the game.  Well, that’s smart at least – everyone knows there are only two blanks in a Scrabble; the ruse would’ve unraveled quickly had he been trying to spell out TUXEDO with like four blanks.  This Slate article has the rather interesting tale of what the boy did and how he was caught.

But now you’ve got two blanks in your sleeve – now what?  You know your opponent is watching you.  Do you do some slight of hand when you’re reaching into the bag to retrieve your tiles, and they come sliding into your hand? That’s your only move, right? Except that according to the rules, you have to hold the bag above eye level when you’re swapping tiles…SO YOUR OPPONENT CAN SEE YOU PALM.  What the hell, kid??

Next time, if you’re that good at slight of hand, just pick pockets or something.  Why get deemed a cheater at the National Scrabble Championships??  You can’t brag about that to chicks.

OK, Junk Food Nation, Opinion Day #2 is done.  Give me more topics to talk about in the comments below!  Favorite 80’s Hair Metal band?  Best Episode of Seinfeld ever? More political topics?  Post ’em and I’ll pick!

Today’s junk food: It’s back!  Limited Edition Dairy Queen Blizzard Creme Oreos!

I know what you’re thinking: Limited Edition Dairy Queen Blizzard Creme Oreos?? So…Cookie’s and Creme filling inside of an Oreo Cookie?  Isn’t that like looking up the word redundant in the dictionary and it’s defined as redundant?

Limited Edition Dairy Queen Blizzard Creme Oreos have actually been reviewed before… by On Second Scoop in April 2010, The Impulsive Buy in May 2010, and Serious Eats in July 2011.  These aren’t limited edition at all, are they, Oreo!!??!?

Still, this was the first time I’d ever seen Limited Edition Dairy Queen Blizzard Creme Oreos, so I had to buy them.  Also, when King Rhino tweeted me a while back that Cookies and Creme Oreos were coming soon, I’m betting he meant these.

Limited Edition Dairy Queen Blizzard Creme Oreos have a mixture of…er…great ingredients, just like a DQ Blizzard does.

Honestly, who DOESN’T like a Blizzard??? It’s ice cream mixed with candy, cookies, and syrup – what’s NOT to love?!

Plus, the Limited Edition Dairy Queen Blizzard Creme Oreos also come with a way to join the Blizzard Fan Club!  Otherwise known as the greatest fan club on Earth.  Double blizzards??? That’s better than Frequent Flyer Miles.

When I opened my bag of Limited Edition Dairy Queen Blizzard Creme Oreos, this is what the tray looked like. Oreo, you get an F for tray stability. Broken cookies, jumbled rows?  Lemme clean this up…

See? Now I can snack with some semblance of order.

Limited Edition Dairy Queen Blizzard Creme Oreos had some interesting creme inside.  As you can see it is speckled with dark brown – mimicking what it’d be like if someone has spread Blizzard mixed ice cream inside these Oreo cookies.

Still trying to wrap my head around the fact that this creme is cookies and creme —- inside of an Oreo.  My head  = spinning.

Trying the creme by itself, I must say, I’m not too impressed.  The creme was a little sweeter than normal Oreo creme – it really resembled the vanilla-ish frosting creme inside of those Birthday Cake Oreos. A little too vanilla-ey, and the specks? Like hard little pieces of dark gravel that didn’t add much to the creme.  The creme did not taste like Blizzard Ice Cream.  Boo.

Limited Edition Dairy Queen Blizzard Creme Oreos, when eaten normally – just basically tastes like an Oreo.  Seriously.  Outside of the slightly sweeter creme, these brought nothing new to the table.  With my friends over at On Second Scoop noting that Oreo seems to be really pushing the new flavor machine this year, these were a real disappointment.  Just buy regular Oreos.

You’re still my favorite cookie, Oreo…but these fell flat. Limited Edition my ass.

PURCHASED AT: Target!

COST: $2.50

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Sincerely, Junk Food Guy