Junk Food Nation, Halloween is right around the corner, and I wanted to present an updated list of the worst Halloween costumes for men.  I discussed this last year, but its worth mentioning again with some tweaks.

Like I’ve stated in the past, girls costumes are easy.  Girls can dress up as whatever they want, and a default is always a slutty version of anything (slutty nurse, slutty teacher, slutty CarMax guy, slutty Papa John’s owner, slutty Edvard Munch’s The Scream, etc.)

But dudes always dress up to get laughs on Halloween.  Or rather, they should. Stop taking it too seriously, guy who dresses up like an Avatar character with full body paint.  The time you spent on that costume clearly should’ve and could’ve been spent doing something more productive.  Like writing a junk food blog.  As a dude, the reaction that you’re hoping to get from anyone on Halloween is, “Oh, that’s awesome, you’re ___________________” or “Oh that’s so funny, you’re _________________.”

But these costumes? These are awful, and should never be worn, ever.

1)     Adult Male Baby Costume. No. NO. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Look, I don’t care how ridiculous it is, or how funny you think you look, when you go around in a diaper wearing a bib and sucking on a pacifier, you just look like you have ISSUES.  It doesn’t matter if you’re in shape – and it’s even worse if you’re out of shape – there has never been a time when a man in a diaper has ever been a crowdpleaser.  After the initial, “Hey, you’re a baby” most people will just try to avoid you the rest of the night.  And your stupid goo goo ga ga jokes are just making everyone uncomfortable.

2)    The Lazy Crossdresser.  I actually think a guy dressing up as a girl can be pretty funny. But you have to sell it. Shave. Makeup. Lipstick. Eyelashes. Wig. Fake boobs. GO FOR IT.  But a guy just wearing a dress? Just confuses everyone and looks weird.  “Oh you’re…you’re wearing a dress.  Is that it? Oh, ok. So you’re going for…general creepiness? Got it.  Stay away from my drink, please.”

3)     Female Super Hero. Actually add this as a corollary to #2 – even if you’re in shape and selling it, I think female super hero is OUT. Don’t do it. Because what you’re saying to people is “I’m going to take this popular strong female icon and make it ridiculous by adding my balls to the equation.” Not cool.

4)     Fake Military. Oh, you’re wearing an Army uniform but don’t actually serve in the Army?  Ugh. I don’t know why, but that rubs me the wrong way. This is a fine line for me, since I know little kids dress up in camo and pretend to be soldiers, etc…but as an adult male, this inevitably leads to a guy hitting on a chick PRETENDING he was in the Army, which is beyond classless in my book.

What do YOU think are horrible costumes for men? Let me know in the comments below.

Today’s junk food: Kettle Brand Limited Batch Red Chili Potato Chips!

Kettle Brand Limited Batch Red Chili Potato Chips: The Money Shot

Kettle Brand Limited Batch Red Chili Potato Chips are one of four flavors that kettle Brand Potato chips are bringing out of retirement for a limited time only.  It’s all part of a 30th anniversary promotion, which I can hardly believe because I don’t remember seeing this brand of chips anywhere when I was a kid.  Of course, all I remember from my childhood is He-Man and Square One, so what do I know?

So shiny, so simple

I’ll admit, I was drawn to these Kettle Brand Limited Batch Red Chili Potato Chips mainly because of the silver foil strip on the front that caught my eye.  I’M A LEMMING, WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?  Anyways, this Red Chili flavored debuted in 1982 as the first flavored chip in the Kettle line after unsalted and Salted.  This article says the flavor may have been released ahead of its time…ya think? I feel like in the early 80’s, sour cream was risqué.

2 of 4

Like I said before, Kettle Brand Limited Batch Red Chili Potato Chips is only one of four total flavors that Kettle is re-releasing.  According to press releases, “this flavor mirrors the taste of sriracha sauce combined with a vinegar tang and Cayenne pepper for a searing red chili heat.” We’ll see.

Huh, that’s interesting

These Kettle Brand Limited Batch Red Chili Potato Chips are all due to Jimmy??  Glad you decided to throw him a bone before he croaked, you monsters.  I’m sure he’d like a full pension as a gift rather than a flavor you could’ve made AT ANY TIME.

Not a ton of sodium….huh.

Good ingredients

Kettle Brand Limited Batch Red Chili Potato Chips has a limited number of ingredients, which I appreciate. After all, it’s all about the flavor, not the chemicals, right?  Right, Jimmy?

Kettle Brand Limited Batch Red Chili Potato Chips

Kettle Brand Limited Batch Red Chili Potato Chips had a nice fried potato smell, to begin with. The smell I MOST noticed, however, was a very large onion smell.  At first, I wasn’t sure if I’d stuck my nose into a bag of Sweet Onion chips.  The onion smell was tinged with a bit of spiciness, and made the whole thing also smell like a BBQ chip. Time to munch.

Kettle Brand Limited Batch Red Chili Potato Chips

Kettle Brand Limited Batch Red Chili Potato Chips tasted GREAT.  I’ll just put that out there first. THEY TASTED GREAT.  The most basic taste I could compare it to was a spicy BBQ chip, but that would be over generalizing it.

The first thing I tasted was the tang of vinegar and the heavy onion flavor.  Really strong, really savory.  Then a potent garlic flavor kicked in as well as the tangy flavor of red pepper and cayenne pepper – really rounded out the sweet/spicy taste of these chips.  The burn that lingered was mild, but did enough to add a good kick to the cayenne pepper flavor.  Sort of like sriracha, indeed – but obviously not as spicy.

Unlike out chili chips, these had a good sweet tangy pepper flavor. Tangy, sweet, savory, spicy, and sour….all in one, with a good lingering sizzle on the tongue.  EXCELLENT.  Really liked these.

PURCHASED AT: Safeway Grocery

COST: $3.99, on sale for $2.50

Thoughts? Please comment below (I always reply) or hit me up on Twitter @junkfoodguy or LIKE my Facebook Page and message me there. Also, you can always email me at junkfoodguy@junkfoodguy.com. Let’s hang out.

Sincerely,

Junk Food Guy